Psychotic

What is it about closure that is so satisfying

Is it the pain that stabbed when I 

Read the one line I never wanted to read

The painful words I never wanted to hear

The brutal rejection that cut through me

The psychotic behavior that forced a result 

That pushed your boundaries and 

Pushed until finally you could take no more

Until finally you could take a stand

Until finally all the superficial niceties 

The false fake sweet kind words 

Evaporated 

Fell away 

And all that remained was a defiant 

Rejection of all things that are me 

What is it that is so satisfying 

That shuts me down 

That stills my conflict 

And allows me to rest?

I wish I knew 

I wish it wasn’t so

But now it’s over

I am full with a perverse satisfaction

That bears no apologetic shame 

And finally I can

Heal.

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10 thoughts on “Psychotic

  1. The word psychotic is interesting here. Was the speaker I’ll? Or just crazy? Either way she doesn’t seem to care about her behaviour as his was so much worse. She’s free and that’s the best part, she can “heal” as you write. I think maybe sometimes acting crazy is a defence in place to get rid of those who harm us. Well written and powerful words πŸ™‚ Hope All is well Vonita πŸ’•πŸ™πŸ»

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Mandi, I love your insightful comments, especially the thought around acting crazy as a defense to rid ourselves of those who harm us. The word psychotic was used as an illustration of exactly that. An otherwjse sane rational person driven to destructive irrational behavior as a means of protection, and once rejected unambiguously can then begin to heal. There is a strange sweet satisfaction at finally and eventually arriving at that place where all the niceties are over, and there is a line drawn in the sand. At least everyone then knows where they stand, instead of a painful longing false hope and expectation. If any of that makes sense!

      Liked by 1 person

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