I wish I cared how much you hurt me
I wish I cared how much you knew
The lies I tell myself unheard
To wipe this pain away
Nothing matters
Repeats on end
Until my heart is ripped to shreds
Outside sweet birds are singing
How I wish for wings to fly
Escape my hell I plead to God
Comfort me in great despair
Where will I go what will I do
Where is the hope
I pray from you?
Allow me to
Untrace
Every wretched step
Every damned decision
Every choice weighted
by fear
Let me rewrite
Each step
Each decision
Each choice
To end up anywhere
but here
I hear you,
My love
It’s a rabbit hole,
My dear.
I can’t even deal with my mood right now
They form a bridge
Each one alone
Stretching across
The unknown
I take a step
Not looking down
Rebalance
Pause and breathe –
Take another.
i wrote a poem once-
words to express
my being
my space in the world
they fluttered like butterflies
into a blowing wind
i wonder about them
where they went
the change they made?
It’s summer
Right here in my part of the world
They say to celebrate – they being the heat cheerers, the sun lovers the summer
Worshipers
I hear cicadas calling their mates, a pleasant sounding continuous hum while
Birds in the distance call their mates too and summer seems to be
The time for
Mating
My skin is white, a distant remnant of that Scottish ancestry, European descendents
Scattered throughout the earth
I end up in Australia, in this summer, in this heat, in this wave of heat, and I retreat
Indoors.
The sea and sun and summer in Sydney is not for me.
I retreat to the shelter of indoors, where my skin is safe, and I close my eyes and listen.
The cicados continue their calls.
Nips my ankle and already I’m crippled
I fall down while terror drowns me
I let go of control I let go of everything
I’m at the mercy of the world’s pleasure
The stinking sun has no mercy it whips
My skin while I lie hopelessly there’s no
Shade there’s no water I close my eyes
Fight for consciousness until there’s nothing
Left.
That black dog.
He feels nothing. He simply walks away.
I walked away
I walked away before I could speak another word
I wanted to love you so bad
I wanted to beat my heart into forced submission
Into a first love forever
NOTHINGS FOREVER the cynic in me yells
The sun rises every day and plasters my skin with its paint
I glance in the mirror and recoil
It’s still me, I recognise my spirit
I loved you once
I’ll always love the time we shared
I remember those potatoes you peeled
And cooked
And served
With salt and herbata
The sugar bowl in water to prevent the ants from reaching inside
I remember Home Alone 2
And laughing on the floor
With splitting sides
All those moments we shared.
Hey y’all! Hope you are all well!
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Love you all and take care
Vonita.
She stroked my fingers. In my dreams she visits me.
Poetry, my love.
Poems and Petals 