Help On Hand

For the past year, I have been on a very light medication for depression. I started as an experiment to see whether changes – if any – would occur.

For years I had been subject to the condition of my mind. It seemed to have complete power over me – I was on a down hill roller coaster that never went up.

Sure I would have better days and could still enjoy a sense of humor at times, but on the whole, I would often be obsessing over life in general and writing poetry, a lot of poetry.

In the past year, my life has had a complete makeover. I am studying graphic design, a course which I would never have considered doing previously, and to my amazement I really love it.

I joined Toastmasters and spoke in front of a room-filled audience.

And. After never believing I would ever find another job, or thinking I was even worthy of same, I am in a new job. That I found on my own, in a completely new industry, with a clean fresh slate.

Today I find myself in Japan. A couple of days into my trip, I decided to stop my medication. Because who needs it when on holiday? And before I knew it, my mind starting obsessing. I know the feeling well. Being pulled back inside my mind to where there is darkness, anxiety and fear. To a place where there is no light at all, and happiness is an elusion. Within a couple more days my poetry came back. This was a sure sign for me. Poetry is my outlet from mental chains.

I am so glad to know this condition is not cast in stone. I don’t need to live there anymore. I can be totally present and enjoy and appreciate each moment.

If it takes medication in order to do this, I am so thankful that there is indeed help on hand.

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To My Mother

I see you in my dreams

I hear you in my mind

I feel you in my heart

I remember the very night

You flew from the land

And from my life

I am married now, Ma

I have a beautiful boy

And a daughter who looks like you

You are a grandmother now, Ma

Your legacy to the world

Your purpose lives on

I live your lessons every day

In my heart and in my life

And all I have is one tiny message

From my heart to yours

After all this time and what has been

Your baby girl is okay

Xx

In memory of my mother

28 April 1951 – 19 April 1996

Gate-Crasher

Drifting to another world

I wonder what will be

If you will lift me off my feet

Or simply rescue me

There’s nothing more than can be shared

We’ve said it all before

Our pleasures past have come undone

It’s gone – our lust of yore

So now I’m left to question all

The should’s I never do

For when I fall asleep at night

It’s you, it’s only you.