I was born in South Africa, at a time where black meant darkness and white implied light and there was nothing in between bar a peeping rainbow trying to needle it’s way through a steely curtain of conflict and confusion.

Despair.

I grew up on rich african soil, where golden treasures were awash with rivers of blood. I breathed the warm air and my skin suffered the sun’s wrath when it was caught unaware.

I witnessed injustice when my best friend and I were denied a simple pleasure of shared coffee for her face was too dark and mine

Was fair.

We were bound together for a forced separation could never deny the power of friendship.

Ever.

I was blessed by Africa. By the soul, the sound, the constant beating of drums coursing through my veins.

I felt the raw fear of raging summer thunderstorms. Clouds as mountains, ominous and oppressive.

Threatening destruction.

And then.

And then.

I came of age on a crisp clear morn. When I joined an endless queue – rainbows of joyous smiles, and shining eyes and hours and years and decades of patience. Confusion yielded to fusions of vibrance and anticipation. With ribbons of hope and peace and opportunity intertwined. From each individual equal ballot, emerged a rising dawn and from it

Victory.

My country that had been tied up and captured in chains was brought to

Liberty.

Cloaked in a sheen of

Vulnerability.

Obscuring hidden scars unseen

Before a blinking eye –

Or shocked murmur could

Escape.

Her cloth was yanked aside

Exposed!

Not everything was lost.

For past the steaming horror

Of uninvited eyes

A tapestry of beauty

Expressions of life and colour and love and pain and strife

Quietly shyly

But with a growing confidence

Emerged.

I gave myself

For cheap slivers of silver

I sold myself

To the lowest bidder

I fought a weakness that is too

Strong

I battled a nature I could not

Quell

Before I could trip my own self up I simply –

I simply gave it all up

I simply and hopelessly

Fell.

Alone I sit

Conflicting thoughts for company

I hear the laughter I hear the sounds

Of lovers, partners, friend and family

While fish in ponds before me splash

I breathe the air I breathe the peace

I exhale those longings that take hold

With a merciless strangulation

Around my soul

I exhale it all.

Each day I longed to walk with you

To share each drop of finite time

Your hands your face your touch I feel

It’s written on my stolen heart

This heart of steel I thought I had

Is nothing more than molten stream

Of pain and hurt and loss and want

I empty all myself of you.

Cast my heart anew of gold.

Capture my dream

Vivid vibrant emotions of night

Where desires catch alight

Angers flare and tears fall and everyone

Even souls long gone are alive

Capture my dream

Before dawning reality

Descends and the illusion

Ends

Jagged edges slice our skin

While shining in the glistening sun

Our trust will be in vain dear friend

All hope will be undone

These jagged edges of our lives

Tattoo our hearts with scars

Slow years will pass until we see

Our scars are tapestried.