Porcelain


Your eyes are as the deepest ocean 

Reflecting all that lies within 

I know not what your stories tell

But I wish to enter in 

To touch your soul 

And tend your wounds 

To heal your living hell 

Your image is a porcelain doll

A fragile, precious thing 

So I will hold you gently close

Allow naught but joy to sing

Still your eyes look back at me

Your life 

Your pain

 Your strife.

 

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Growing Stronger

On Friday I encountered two situations that would have triggered meltdowns. Not one meltdown, but I would have gone straight from one into another. Things that happened that are my trigger points for sure. Those situations – a comment from someone, a fear of missing out, of rejection, of abandonment came rushing to the fore.

But I am healed and healing. If I ever wondered if I needed to be on medication, now I can testify how much it has helped. I was able to acknowledge those situations, identify that they are trigger points for me, that they would have had power over me in the previous days, and set them aside. Continue with my day.

I have been reduced so many times in the past to tears. The trigger points that  invoke a pain inside that shortcut any rational thought. I would be overcome. But on Friday I was not overcome. And it felt good. Empowering.

Every day I am growing stronger.

Desensitized

Sometimes the first cut really is the deepest

The blood is redder, more vibrant, gushing

The pain is more bitter and raw 

And then after more cuts follow

Cut after cut after cut after cut

Once previous tender flesh 

Is scarred over and over again

And when taking the time

To stop and notice 

There is no more pain.

Overflowing

I was addicted
To a love that never was
Waiting for your touch
Craving each discarded crumb
My highs and lows diverting pain
The rejection I feared with all my soul
Rejection I forced into being
The rejection that finally gave way
To peace
To me
To the deep well of love
Overflowing
The love inside of me