I gave myself

For cheap slivers of silver

I sold myself

To the lowest bidder

I fought a weakness that is too

Strong

I battled a nature I could not

Quell

Before I could trip my own self up I simply –

I simply gave it all up

I simply and hopelessly

Fell.

Alone I sit

Conflicting thoughts for company

I hear the laughter I hear the sounds

Of lovers, partners, friend and family

While fish in ponds before me splash

I breathe the air I breathe the peace

I exhale those longings that take hold

With a merciless strangulation

Around my soul

I exhale it all.

Each day I longed to walk with you

To share each drop of finite time

Your hands your face your touch I feel

It’s written on my stolen heart

This heart of steel I thought I had

Is nothing more than molten stream

Of pain and hurt and loss and want

I empty all myself of you.

Cast my heart anew of gold.

Capture my dream

Vivid vibrant emotions of night

Where desires catch alight

Angers flare and tears fall and everyone

Even souls long gone are alive

Capture my dream

Before dawning reality

Descends and the illusion

Ends

Jagged edges slice our skin

While shining in the glistening sun

Our trust will be in vain dear friend

All hope will be undone

These jagged edges of our lives

Tattoo our hearts with scars

Slow years will pass until we see

Our scars are tapestried.

Clearly I was not meant for you

Clearly you were not meant for me

Clearly we were not meant to be

But oh my love I loved you so

You stole my heart

I loved you so.

She’s not gone it cannot be

Oh my mother don’t leave me

You birthed me loved me helped me grow

We argued fought but even so

You’re my mom you cannot go

From this realm, please say you won’t!

But now you’ve left I’m all alone

All alone I need my mom

I need my mom to care for me

I need my mom to help me be

She is gone I’m so alone.

She’s gone

Two words to break my world to crack the floor to rip the heart right out my chest.

She’s gone

Final. Absolute. It’s done.

I fall collapse into a heap I fall I roll into a ball.

She’s gone

No! It cannot be. And yet it is. I’m black I see black I hear black I’m lost within the void.

It’s so black my world is dead I cannot see. Nothing to hold. The emptiness devours me whole.

She’s gone.