Flying Free

Sometimes I wish I could escape feelings. Or at least have a remote to control them. Set mood on automatic happiness level 9.8, maybe a happiness level of a complete 10 might be a bit OTT. 

Everyday I am conscious of all the goodness around me. All the lack of suffering I have not had to endure because of circumstances of birth, combined with a touch of good fortune, tenacity and hard work. And yet, my mood is still low. Counting my blessings and being aware, but still having a sinking feeling inside of me, a feeling of sadness combined with anxiety and wistful thinking. Expectations of what we deserve in this life. Comparisons of others without knowing the whole story, not seeing the whole picture. 

While we breathe we are tied to this physical realm. Our bodies need resources to survive. Love and affection and touch. One day I believe, my soul will fly free. Free of this earthly bind. Free of needing food, water, sleep, education, competition, needing to do this, needing to do that. Just being free. And feeling love. Hopefully, perhaps, it will be.

Captured Dream

This morning when I went to sleep
Past midnight once again
I had a dream so real for me
Coming back so vividly

Allow me to type
So I can capture my dream
Before it vaporizes
And is taken from me

I dreamt of my mother
How she entered my room
She was on a bicycle
Geared up and ready to go

(All those weekly photo challenges
Of wheels and bicycles converging –
Gate crashing my dream)
First time my mother on a bicycle I’ve seen

Knock at the door
And friends waiting to go
Spend some time with my mother
And have themselves a day of fun

I was an onlooker at this little game
My mother acting strangely
Not like my mother would at all
She leaned over to give me a hug

I turned myself away, I’m sorry
No hugs coming your way
Give me back my mother, not one acting so strange
Tell me, where is my mother?

Where has she gone?


Writing a Better Me

Southern Hemisphere Lovin’ Gal
Springtime celebrated every year
This September brought a fresh Summertime Dose
Of turmoil, agony and despair

Not knowing what to do, and where to go
How to get rid of this darkness within
I looked to the sun, and saw brightness and light
I looked within, and felt courage and life

So many words flowing forth from my heart
I started to write, I started to type
And every day ever since
I have written, I have typed

Words arising, healing, flowing
Understanding a little more of my soul within
Therapeuting, growing, empathising
Passionating my way to be a better me –

In the depths of despair I held out my arms
And was gently lifted from the dark well surrounds
To a higher, brighter, sun-drenched place
Of life, and light, and safety

flower in sun

Find a Better Me here: If Tomorrow comes

Photography from the collection of Ali McGill Photography

Discarded Me

A Poem I decided not to publish

Crazy lady
Sometimes I am an introvert
Want to be left alone
And sometimes I don’t

Sometimes I am so sad
Not finding any relief from
The sheer darkness within
Other times my heart is happy
And my soul is glad

Always feeling, passionating
Not resonating
With the normal others
That would encompass me
Handle me with care

Wrapped in my own world
My own thoughts
Magical mysteries inside of me
Enjoying my own company
And the world created so exquisitely

I’m a writer
I’m a dreamer
I’m a coder
I’m a walker
I’m a talker

I can lead, I can follow
I can laugh, I can cry
Very easily
I can love, I can live
I am aware, I breathe

A world of contrasts
Wrapped into one
This is me, I am Vonita
Moving towards the light
Passioning through Poetry


Go well, Farewell

I would not know why
You would feel the way you do

I would not know what
I would even say to you

You feelings are yours
Your emotions turn me blue

You are my friend
I have always told you so

And if you would feel more
I will have no part on it

There will be no response
For silence is what I do

Any reply – any words you may desire
You will have to write yourself

So go well, my friend

Best Ironic Life Moment

All the hurt
All the pain
Cutting so deep
Into my heart
Into my life
Have all found their way
Out of my mind
Out of my head
How ironic to find

In the depths of soul pain
No further ache
But balm for my wound
A gift so free
Given to me
Where I can express
Myself so easily
And it helps me now
Every day