I’m feeling unsettled
Insecure it may seem
Past trauma has surfaced
A very bad dream.
Stuck in a limbo
No way through or out
If no escape I can find
I will scream, yell and shout!!
Don’t leave me please don’t leave me I pray
Your silence tortures me
I beg you to stay!
Oh please please please love me and this is my pain
Right here this child inside neglected, ignored
I was not good enough, not cool enough
I was never the one
I feel it now the rejection runs strong
It’s trapped inside it’s trapped within
Lodged under my skin.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt that flutter. That aching in my heart. The anticipation of seeing you again. Eyes meeting eyes. The blush, the butterflies. You are so wrong for me and yet, dammit, you are in my head and your eyes are making my heart beat. I saw you today. Will I see you tomorrow?
What is it about you that has invaded my thoughts my mind my imagination my desires my fantasies
I’m having a bad hair day, said I. Not only that but a bad shoe day as well, and in general I’m having a bad day.
Find your voice, I was told. I never knew my voice was lost, thought I.
And so it was, and so it is, the cycle repeats and my fears arise. My eyes are the first to react. My tightening heart forces the tears to form. Watery pools surface the lens of my sight. I’m triggered and I know it and feel it. I’m living my fear and that’s okay.
I will live it and allow it to be.
I love me.
The winds have carried me here
Wrapped gently in their nurturing arms
Nowhere to run nowhere to hide
Just a peaceful quiet
To lay me down.
What would my testimony be, asked I
I took a moment to reflect
I stole some time to think it through:
I’ve cried I wept I faltered, failed
But always, always I held on
To sparkling glittering shimmering hope
For hope it is that is the fuel
That keeps our dreams alive
And more than that it guides our steps
That take us to the
I’m doing good real good
I wanted you to know
That past the tears and heartache
My heart has overflowed
For wishes have been filled
The help I needed so
Flowed freely from
A gracious hand I know
Step outside to freedom
A small chance to take
Loose your hold on comfort
You will find the gold
Courage not forsaken
Only time will tell
Privilege awaits you
When you step outside your
Icy winds rattled glass windows
Dogs howled misery at the relentless moon
My eyes grew heavy until eventually there
Was nothing left bar a tiny seed, very tiny send of