I see you in my dreams
I hear you in my mind
I feel you in my heart
I remember the very night
You flew from the land
And from my life
I am married now, Ma
I have a beautiful boy
And a daughter who looks like you
You are a grandmother now, Ma
Your legacy to the world
Your purpose lives on
I live your lessons every day
In my heart and in my life
And all I have is one tiny message
From my heart to yours
After all this time and what has been
Your baby girl is okay
In memory of my mother
28 April 1951 – 19 April 1996
Drifting to another world
I wonder what will be
If you will lift me off my feet
Or simply rescue me
There’s nothing more than can be shared
We’ve said it all before
Our pleasures past have come undone
It’s gone – our lust of yore
So now I’m left to question all
The should’s I never do
For when I fall asleep at night
It’s you, it’s only you.
Let them eat cake
Said the ruthless to the rogue
Let them eat crumbs
Said the prince to the king
Let them eat dust
Said the wealthy to the world
Give them flowing water
Fresh and free and cool
Said the Father to His Son.
The best part about falling in
Is when everything and everywhere and
All others cease to be
The pain and whippings and self-flagellation our minds can inflict on our own selves is greater than any mountain we dare to conjure up.
At times like these, when our suffering is deep and sore and painful, it is wise to acknowledge our own lack of mercy and rather instead, to wrap our selves in love.
Because we were created. We were hand-crafted.
And while we still breath, we are life.
A whole moon rose to stand watch over a scuttling earth. Ants and people breathed the same air and made the same mistakes of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. The timeless guard beamed down its light and exposed the nakedness of life – a vulnerability so fragile and delicate against a ticking clock of time.
Your lips taunt me right throughout the day
Your eyes seep unto me I cannot look away
I tie my hands so they do not go astray
For I see your face and hear your voice
And in your presence I can deny no more
No more than even my very next breath
For I dream of you
My cravings are insatiable
You have power over me.
There is no more left to say
It was only through loving you that I learnt to love myself.
It was only through giving all that I had that I learnt to take in return.
It was only by accepting what you had to give that I learnt to say thank you.
It was only.
And it still is.
It is still.
I hold my pain as a soft, vulnerable gift and allow it to be. For everything that I am and everything I have ever been is as delicate as a bubble that has been crafted with the most extraordinary care that allows it to be, and for all of my shortcomings and failures, there is victory too, and with every breath that I take, I simply am.
I’m drowning in a pool of my own despair, the anchor has taken hold of my soul and I cannot breath I see the light above I know there is hope as I give way to a pit of dark sinking sand.