I’m facing my demons
The fears that encroach
Terrified of battles
That each day invokes.
Night arrives swiftly
Twisting the sword
As seconds then drop
Into pools of my blood.
Tag pain
Pain
The first cut
Apparently
Is the deepest
So I sliced myself
Over and over and over
Again
So I would never feel that
Lonely depth of pain
Anymore.
Relentless
A black hole grows inside me and threatens to swallow me whole
The more I cast into it the more I am consumed
I am being eaten alive and the pain is
Relentless.
Splintered
If it was only a single splinter that had
Lodged inside my tender flesh
I might have endured the pain
A billion splinters have stopped me dead
Gingerly I remove them
One by delicate one
So that I can live again
Connection
In those moments of pain
When the raw wounds of my heart
Gush their vivid shades of red
I hold out my hands to feel the
Warm pulsing rivers
And in doing so
I allow myself to connect
To my own bleeding precious
Truth
Words with Power
If it was pain you wanted to cause
Then you absolutely did choose the most
Perfect words in season
To cut through my bravado –
My flimsy self-protective layer
Thrusting your sword with power
Right through me.
Desensitized
Sometimes the first cut really is the deepest
The blood is redder, more vibrant, gushing
The pain is more bitter and raw
And then after more cuts follow
Cut after cut after cut after cut
Once previous tender flesh
Is scarred over and over again
And when taking the time
To stop and notice
There is no more pain.
Standing Up
I am free from the past
I am free from the pain
I am free from your charms
I am free from your arms
I am free from the rollercoaster
The pain and the joys
The ups and the downs
And the highs and the lows
The buckle opened up
I took a step off
And after the fall
I wept on the floor
I wept and I prayed
I wept and I pained
And when it was over
For over it was
I stood back up
I gave it my all
I am standing again
I am standing
Once more
Psychotic
What is it about closure that is so satisfying
Is it the pain that stabbed when I
Read the one line I never wanted to read
The painful words I never wanted to hear
The brutal rejection that cut through me
The psychotic behavior that forced a result
That pushed your boundaries and
Pushed until finally you could take no more
Until finally you could take a stand
Until finally all the superficial niceties
The false fake sweet kind words
Evaporated
Fell away
And all that remained was a defiant
Rejection of all things that are me
What is it that is so satisfying
That shuts me down
That stills my conflict
And allows me to rest?
I wish I knew
I wish it wasn’t so
But now it’s over
I am full with a perverse satisfaction
That bears no apologetic shame
And finally I can
Heal.
Strands of Dust
The sweetest
Cruel addiction broke me apart
Leaving me with the lingering taste
Of a forbidden kiss
Craving more I turned on you
Turned on everything we had before
And now I’m broken
Torn in two
There’s nothing left for me to do
But tie my hands
And seal my mouth
Slice my fingers
And still my tongue
I ache
I crave
I desire
I lust
And at the end
There’s nothing left
There’s nothing left
But grainy sand
A shattered rock
And strands of
Dust
