Massage my heart
I plead of thee!
Iron out those pleats
Of pain.
In all my desperation, Lord
I look above and
Search for thee.
I look towards blue skies above
And learn again of thy true love.
Though I may fail and stumble, crawl –
An outstretched hand will
Break my fall.
And so the pain I suffered lifetimes ago
Buried far beneath ten layers of snow
Simmered and stewed and viciously grew
An explosion came as it threatened to do
The band was ripped and all laid bare
My pain is raw, love was never fair
I’m facing my demons
The fears that encroach
Terrified of battles
That each day invokes.
Night arrives swiftly
Twisting the sword
As seconds then drop
Into pools of my blood.
The first cut
Apparently
Is the deepest
So I sliced myself
Over and over and over
Again
So I would never feel that
Lonely depth of pain
Anymore.
A black hole grows inside me and threatens to swallow me whole
The more I cast into it the more I am consumed
I am being eaten alive and the pain is
Relentless.
If it was only a single splinter that had
Lodged inside my tender flesh
I might have endured the pain
A billion splinters have stopped me dead
Gingerly I remove them
One by delicate one
So that I can live again
In those moments of pain
When the raw wounds of my heart
Gush their vivid shades of red
I hold out my hands to feel the
Warm pulsing rivers
And in doing so
I allow myself to connect
To my own bleeding precious
Truth
If it was pain you wanted to cause
Then you absolutely did choose the most
Perfect words in season
To cut through my bravado –
My flimsy self-protective layer
Thrusting your sword with power
Right through me.
Sometimes the first cut really is the deepest
The blood is redder, more vibrant, gushing
The pain is more bitter and raw
And then after more cuts follow
Cut after cut after cut after cut
Once previous tender flesh
Is scarred over and over again
And when taking the time
To stop and notice
There is no more pain.
I am free from the past
I am free from the pain
I am free from your charms
I am free from your arms
I am free from the rollercoaster
The pain and the joys
The ups and the downs
And the highs and the lows
The buckle opened up
I took a step off
And after the fall
I wept on the floor
I wept and I prayed
I wept and I pained
And when it was over
For over it was
I stood back up
I gave it my all
I am standing again
I am standing
Once more
Poems and Petals 