Standing Up

I am free from the past

I am free from the pain 

I am free from your charms

I am free from your arms 

I am free from the rollercoaster 

The pain and the joys 

The ups and the downs

And the highs and the lows 

The buckle opened up 

I took a step off 

And after the fall

I wept on the floor 

I wept and I prayed 

I wept and I pained 

And when it was over 

For over it was

I stood back up

I gave it my all

I am standing again 

I am standing 

Once more

Psychotic

What is it about closure that is so satisfying

Is it the pain that stabbed when I 

Read the one line I never wanted to read

The painful words I never wanted to hear

The brutal rejection that cut through me

The psychotic behavior that forced a result 

That pushed your boundaries and 

Pushed until finally you could take no more

Until finally you could take a stand

Until finally all the superficial niceties 

The false fake sweet kind words 

Evaporated 

Fell away 

And all that remained was a defiant 

Rejection of all things that are me 

What is it that is so satisfying 

That shuts me down 

That stills my conflict 

And allows me to rest?

I wish I knew 

I wish it wasn’t so

But now it’s over

I am full with a perverse satisfaction

That bears no apologetic shame 

And finally I can

Heal.