Category prose

Narcissists

Vonita 26 Comments

Here’s the deal with narcissists. They are like set in cement, and never, ever change. It is all about them. Even when it is not about them, they make it about them. And if they feel criticized in any form or fashion, expect to be punished. In whatever form. Expect to be ignored and brushed aside. Because you are not worth anything. They are experts at manipulation and mask-wearing. The facade is everything. Even if they are caught red-handed, they will be annoyed if others do not believe their lies. Because how can others not believe what they say? Even if what they are saying is so ludicrous it would be evident to a three-year old. They will attempt to gas-light. May succeed. Because you will doubt your own sanity. They are over-the-top charmers. Their charm will intoxicate. Until the coin is flipped and their real self is revealed. Cold, callous, abrupt, dismissive, anything but charming. It is hard to be charming all the time. The facade saps energy. It will only be a matter of time before the real self emerges. Be warned. Be prepared. Take care. Take action and walk away.

Finally, how do you know when a narc is lying?

When his (her) lips are moving.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/through-the-looking-glass/201511/beware-the-charming-narcissist

9301589v

Vonita 2 Comments

I was so hot this afternoon, went and relaxed on my bed, and was in that space of being not awake, and not asleep. I’ve started an online course so have been working on that, and feeling somewhat like a student. In my dream-like state a string of numbers popped into my head. 9301589 and yes, followed by a V. Really? It’s now 2017, 1993 is so far away. Could it be that? And again the numbers echoed. 9301589v. I had to confirm for myself. 

I felt like a student this morning, so my subconscious handily recalled my student number for me. Helpful as!

Seems there are some things we may never forget.

An Old Friend

Vonita 8 Comments

I met up recently with an old friend. We last saw each other seventeen years ago. And when I saw her again, I immediately recognized who she was. I recognized her mannerisms, her voice, her personality, her way of being. What I realized is, we remember. Throughout our life we connect with others. And they imprint themselves on us, and we on them. What impressions do we want to leave? How will we be remembered?

How do we want to be remembered? 

I Got Stung

Vonita 8 Comments


I was clearing out some branches, when suddenly I felt this awful sting and noticed something fly away.

Sure enough. I got stung!

Question is, it wasn’t a bee, so what was it?

WW2

Vonita 16 Comments

I have just completed ‘All The Light We Cannot See’ by Anthony Doerr, a book set in World War 2, and draws the reader in from a German perspective on the one side, as well as French on the other. 

My grandfather was seventeen when he joined the war. He was enlisted with his older brother. At some point they were captured in Italy, and he became a prisoner of war. We grew up knowing not to ask him about the war. It was a topic not to be spoken of. The only words he told me was that he would never refuse anyone a slice of bread if they were hungry, because he knows what real hunger feels like. After I was much older and after my grandmother passed away, he dusted off an old typewriter, and typed up some parts of his experience. He kept it very factual and to the point. Dates, locations, names of places. 

Except for the ending. After the war had ended he and his brother were waiting for the ship to take them home. They went with a friend to Scotland. And it was there that he would meet the most beautiful girl who would become his wife. They would celebrate fifty years of marriage, 3 children and 4 grandchildren.

My grandparents would not have met if there had been no war. I would not be here. Or my children. History opens to the future. In darkness, there is light we cannot see.

All The Light We Cannot See

Vonita 6 Comments

It has indeed taken me over a year to finish my Christmas gift of 2015, ‘All The Light We Cannot See’ by Anthony Doerr. After a few slow starts and false starts of other books, it is done. And what I can say is this is one of the best adult books I have read. Something happened around the midway mark. The book reeled me in, and I couldn’t put it down. Yesterday I read the last 200 pages. I read until it was finished. That makes it a winner.

About the book (no spoilers), it is set in WW2 and weaves a story between a German boy and blind French girl. The writing is vivid and rich and contains sections of beautiful prose. 

I have just woken up to it racing through my head, a story that stays with you. Harrowing and poignant. Truth and fantasy intertwined. A must read.

Biking the Bridge

Vonita 14 Comments

 2016 contains one of my most memorable life moments. Biking the bridge, right up there with wedding days and babies being born, and citizenship ceremonies etc, it was one of those “I am biking the bridge” moments.

I also received a lovely surprise gift from Turkey, met Minnie Mouse at her residence in Disneyland, saw a rainbow at majestic Yosemite, spent time with my dad, hit the shopping sweet spot at a certain Sandton City, went to a wedding, and spent Christmas Day in a cabin on the beach with friends. And carrot salad -a South African classic.

My children remained healthy, I remained healthy and employed, and even though I endured a few humbling and cruel situations that were fairly *brutal*, I came through it relatively unscathed.

My hopes for 2017 is to move my life forward. In a positive way. To use those brutal, slay-me-to-the-core experiences to grow. To overcome. To be a better me.

My Name is Vonita

Vonita 17 Comments

I had the wonderful fortune of landing a part time job in my last year of school. I worked four hours on a Saturday morning for a local optometrist. Technically, I was not the best candidate as the receptionist position required the person to be bilingual (English and Afrikaans). In those days towards the end of apartheid South Africa, there were many people who spoke Afrikaans and Afrikaans only. Whilst I can certainly understand Afrikaans being spoken and can hold a basic conversation kindergarten level, I can hardly say I am fluent (or even sound half-normal speaking it). But good fortune prevailed and I got the job. As an aside, it was a life-saver. The four hours per week paid well, and covered all my university pocket money expenses, driving lessons, and part of my last years tuition. Without taking focus away from my studies.

The optometrist was a tall man. He also lectured at the local university. At that stage I attended a convent, had minimal male interaction (at all), and found him totally, completely intimidating. Being a man and all. And a big, tall, older one at that. And an important one. His wife ran the practice and she was the one who hired me. She was lovely. Grace personified. One of my duties was to make hot black tea, and lemon, and serve it to her husband in his office. I must have appeared as a timid little mouse. I hardly said a word to him, would deliver the tea and escape. One day I spilt the tea in the saucer. It happened just as I was about to place it down. I didn’t know what to do. I placed it down. He kindly gave it back to me and told me to bring a new one. The tea would would drip on his desk and papers and he couldn’t have that. I apologized, took the cup and saucer and returned with a new one. Unspilt. Dry saucer. Yay! (And I never made that same mistake).

I must have been working there for a good few months. One morning I took the tea into his office. He thanked me, but addressed me with the wrong name. Thank you, Michelle. Michelle was the person who worked there previously. In that moment, I managed to rise above my feelings of intimidation, and overcome my shyness. I thought to myself, just say welcome. Easy, then leave, exit the office. Instead I replied

You’re welcome. 

And. 

My name is Vonita.

Christmas Memories

Vonita 13 Comments

Memories are made up of times and places. People and faces. Gifts and giving. 

I think back to a few of my Christmas’s and can recall where I spent them and with whom. Also marked by a few significant gifts received.

Here are a few that come to mind!

Aged 4 – Receiving my first-love doll (from my paternal grandparents)
Aged 5 – Old-fashioned radio from Santa 

Aged 6- Red bicycle with a coin taped on it’s seat (it got stolen later on)

Aged 9 – Puzzle from my aunt in a triangle box

Aged 10 – Walkmans with boney m 

Aged 13 – chocolate boxes from grandparents, and George Michael singing you’ve got to have Faith

Aged 20 – Receiving a necklace and mug from my polish boyfriend that now holds all our leftover coins (the year I was so in love, bless him) (also stolen)

Aged 22  – Gold cross from my father, the year my mother passed away (stolen)

Aged 36 – a silver necklace from my husband, the only piece of jewelry gifted to me from him (apart from my wedding rings)

Aged 37 – Pandora necklace from my sister, the year she spent Christmas in Sydney with us

Aged 41 – Book I’m still busy reading, All the light we cannot see

Thank you

Vonita 8 Comments

Our company had an awards ceremony this afternoon.

Great celebration of all the fantastic work everyone has done. Recognition of effort. It is wonderful.

In nine years, I have never won anything. Always looking on. I hate to admit, but I always feel a pang. Feeling so happy for my colleagues, but that human nature craves it too. To be recognized. And then I realized, every day, I receive so many kind, thoughtful words of encouragement, friendship, love. From all my friends and readers I have met here on WordPress. None of whom I have met in person, but connected in spirit.

It means so much to me. Thank you! 😊