I define my own narrative. I am not defined by others thoughts of who I am and what I can do. I will take my own chances and risks. An opportunity will arise. It has to. And it will.
I believe. I have faith. I trust.
Tag choices
Questions
What is it about her
That made him choose?
Is it the way she walks
Or talks or shades her hair
Is it the way she smiles
Or laughs or has no care
Is it her confidence
Her energy
Her life or spirit
Is it her eyes so brown
Exuberant, alive
What is it about her
I wish I knew!
What is it about me
That made me lose?
Choices
Sometimes we do what we have to do. At the time I was studying, there were parts I did not like at all. Actually, anything to do with one of my majors. I loved the applied maths and linear programming. Matrices and maths and solving the traveling salesman problem. It was defined and I understood it and enjoyed it. But unless I studied further and specialized, there didn’t seem to be much use for it. So I followed the generic part of my degree, and took up an IBM graduate position.
It filled me with daily dread, and so I left. I joined a small team doing technical ‘stuff’. I was a junior, ran around a lot, crimped a lot of cables and pulled out network and dialogic cards, replaced them, wrote C code, worked late nights, bought a car and moved out of home.
And after that I was on my own. Sink or swim baby and make sure to earn enough to feed myself.
I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered. The question is, what changes to make to live a better life? To not be in tears every day and constantly feeling less than? I’ve asked myself this question so many times. And I have no answer!
eavesdropping
a young child’s voice speaking to her father breaks my reverie
as I listen from another space
the conversation wrapped
with respect and filled
with love and the
thought floats
through my
mind
i chose the best father for my offspring
image source: www.unsplash.com
No Resistance
I had plenty of opportunity to turn around and walk away.
Plenty of opportunity to choose the wiser choice.
Plenty of opportunity to say goodbye.
Plenty of opportunity to stay on a better path.
But no.
Opportunity presented.
And there was no resistance.
None at all.
OR
When facing adversity, we have a choice. We can either shrink. Make ourselves smaller. And more miserable. And a monster to be around.
OR
We can roll up our sleeves and get to work. Do what needs to be done. Look above the situation. Not directly into and below it. Lift those eyes. And rise. Do it. For yourself.
Which One?!
Okay, I’m down to three, and for the life of me I can’t decide! Birthday shopping Vonita-style, they each have their own card and wrapping paper. All with return vouchers so I can obsess in comfort.
So, A (florabotanica 100ml), B (Issey Miyake Pure with gift box 90ml), C (FlowerBomb teeny weeny 30mls with gift box), or D (flowerbomb 50ml but no gift box)? All similar values.
Help! Which one!
(My friend is in age range 45-49 if that makes a difference?)
Reflections
I think of all the words I said
Of all the words I should have said
But did not
I think of all the choices made
Of all the choices I should have made
But did not
And I wonder why
I said the words I said
Why I chose the way I chose
And where to sail from here?
Naivety
Sometimes I think nothing shocks me anymore. But I have just been shocked over something that is perhaps quite common. I’ve spent two weeks alternating between technical problems (which one do we choose today?) This has kept me at work until just before 7pm, a few minutes ago. And as I exited the building and passed the coffee shop at the entrance, there were signs stating a private party is being held. There were men standing around with drinks in their hand, and topless. half-dressed-as-Santa, ladies mingling amongst them. In my local coffee shop! My eyes nearly shot out my head. What! A well known waiter was at the entrance of the building, and I couldn’t help but express my reaction. How can these ladies do that? Entertain drinking men whilst wearing nothing? Making themselves an object? And he just shrugged his shoulders, men do it as well. I’m sure they do! Except I’ve never been across it, myself.
And as I walked towards the bus pondering this situation, I was reminded of all the problems I’ve been stuck on for the past two weeks, a situation which often defines my life. And an unwelcome thought popped into my head, surely prancing around naked would be an easier way to make money? I have to go home and think about issues I don’t know how to solve. One week before Christmas. And not only that, study for and re-sit an exam I failed by two questions last week. Yes, I’m totally the last person who should be judging others for their decisions.
The Road Ahead
The road stretches
Far from my view
Wherever I may go
Whatever I may do
I trust this road
To lead me safely
To you
Poems and Petals 