Sometimes we do what we have to do. At the time I was studying, there were parts I did not like at all. Actually, anything to do with one of my majors. I loved the applied maths and linear programming. Matrices and maths and solving the traveling salesman problem. It was defined and I understood it and enjoyed it. But unless I studied further and specialized, there didn’t seem to be much use for it. So I followed the generic part of my degree, and took up an IBM graduate position.  

It filled me with daily dread, and so I left. I joined a small team doing technical ‘stuff’. I was a junior, ran around a lot, crimped a lot of cables and pulled out network and dialogic cards, replaced them, wrote C code, worked late nights, bought a car and moved out of home.
And after that I was on my own. Sink or swim baby and make sure to earn enough to feed myself. 

I don’t think I’ve ever fully recovered. The question is, what changes to make to live a better life? To not be in tears every day and constantly feeling less than? I’ve asked myself this question so many times. And I have no answer!

12 thoughts on “Choices 

  1. I feel personally the birth of my daughter changed me completely. I remember not having anything to give her but my heart so I did and I realized at that point I was giving someone complete and total access to my heart and ever since then I’ve never been the same. Thank God. That was 23 years ago. Careers and jobs ebb and flow, the one constant I find is love. If you have love you have everything. Maybe try to focus on what you do have and not what you do not. I think you will find you are more than enough. We cannot compare ourselves to another because each of us is uniquely and wonderfully made. I hope you find what you think you are looking for. That is my prayer for you! 🙏🏼💛🌼have a gentle evening

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    1. I really love your advice Michelle, thank you so much, I think about what you say during the day and take it with me. I love the thought in one of your emails that God will just bring what we need to us. And also I have been thinking of giving too, it is so easy to take, but blessed to be of use. And be willing for that. To give and be of use. I am having a lovely gentle evening thank you and I wish you a gentle day 🌸💝🌸 thank you for all your wisdom that you are so willing to share xxx


      1. I thank you for thinking I have wisdom to share. I’m mostly like my Pa I can’t tell you what to do but I can certainly tell you what not to do. All of what I share comes out of a lot of living life. If I could go back and tell my younger self something it would be to rest more and don’t sweat the small stuff, be use it’s all small. I used to major on the minor things so refocusing has helped me a lot. I stay inside my heart and live from here in this moment. I’m happy you are okay. I’m headed to work now! You just happened to catch me in my morning prayer time. Amen sending much love to you xxxx💛🌼💛🌼💛🌼

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  2. What changed my life was me changing my life. I mean, standing up and taking action to change things I can change. It needed courage because I never stood up for myself and did things no one else was holding my hand or smoothened the path. It does not mean that it went without tears and without pain but it made me develop an attitude that keeps me going and made me ignore the fear and insecurity that little voice in my head still tries to influence me with. Life is constant change. We reach good places, things change, and we are called to move to another good place. This is called development. We will never stop evolving and therefore we will never reach a place where we can say: This was it! But we can reach a place inside of us which creates new content for our lives in order to never stop expanding ourselves and our life! Because only then we really live.

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    1. This is so true Erika, and thank you for sharing 💝 I wanted to tell you I joined toastmasters (have you heard of them?), it is for public speaking, anyway I gave my first speech yesterday, and I mentioned the wonderful friends I have met through blogging including my friend Erika in Liechtenstein and I showed them my iPhone case 😀 so joining toastmasters is one change I have made!

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      1. OMG 😆😆 This is so exciting, Vonita! Exciting in so many ways. Most of all that you took action and did something that really needed you to overcome your inner temptation. That’s AWESOME! I am so humbled that you mentioned me. But what touches me the most is the reason why you did it. Feel strongly hugged, my dear friend. You have no idea what this means to me 💖💖💖

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