I have an allergy to Coca Cola. I never knew this when I was younger, and in those days I wasn’t entirely aware of the adverse health effects of soda. So I used to consume it quite often. A company that I worked for stocked soda, and I used to have some everyday. It caused my skin to break out. Terrible sore unsightly breakouts on my face. I had to wear tons of foundation to try and conceal the redness. The first thing I would do in the morning is touch my face. I wanted to cry. How can I actually be seen with these terrible sores on my skin? One day my BFF caught me drinking soda. What are you doing, she asked? Soda makes you fat. You shouldn’t touch the stuff! I was so slim in those days. And I wanted to stay that way. So I stopped consuming it. And miraculously my face cleared up. I never realized until a few times later, I would have some and a week later was having a huge red bump on my face. Oh no, my heart would drop when I felt it. These were not minor sores, they were massive boil-type bumps that really swell up and were so painful, taking ages to heal. And then I finally realized. Now I stay away from it. And if I don’t, I know what will happen. My skin will reveal my actions. Sometimes, very seldomly I may have some lemonade, it doesn’t have the same effect, though I am conscious of the sugar. Usually I stop at sparkling water. My skin has cleared up. But I still wear foundation every day.
Tag personal
Feeling my Fear
I am not quite fearless. Instead, I have a ridiculous fear. It is not a life-threatening fear or anything like that. Just a simple, random fear of missing out. If anyone knows me, they will know I am the epitome of a FOMO (fear of missing out). Yesterday I missed out. A group of friends spent a day at the river. I had been partially invited. It was difficult getting the actual details yesterday morning, there was a big mix-up, the friend who had invited me had a migraine and never responded to my text. So I never received the details until it was partially too late. So I decided not to go. I found out today they had a great day (apart from my friend with the migraine). A friend of mine from South Africa was there as well. I haven’t seen her in many years, and would have loved to have been there and seen her again. I feel really glum at having missed out. I know there are bigger issues in the world, but even so, I am sad at having missed out on a great day yesterday, with people, community and friends.
Twenty Years Ago
In Australia, as well as in South Africa, the Easter celebration is celebrated over four days, which means a long weekend for most people. In 1996, my parents were very excited to go on holiday to the UK. They left on the Thursday evening before Easter Friday. My sister and I would be staying alone for three weeks. We were both working by that time, but it was the longest time we would be left at home alone. My mother and I had been finding our way through some friction for the past few months. It was my first year of work and I had started as a graduate hire at a global IT company. I was struggling to settle in. And did not want to let my mother down, she was so proud of me and the degree and position I had got. I had bought her a pale blue sweater to take along on her holiday. She wore it on the evening they left. My boyfriend at the time was in a bad mood as the plan had been for him to take them to the airport. But plans changed! My sister had received a new car that week and wanted to go in her new car. So off we went to the airport. The five of us, my dad, mom, sister, boyfriend and myself. I could see boyfriend was upset. He had filled his car with gas and had gone out of his way to clean it and get it ready for the airport trip, which was now not happening. When we arrived at the airport we climbed out and said our farewells. One of the last words I spoke to my mother was, M is not happy because we didn’t go in his car. I can’t remember her response. We said our goodbyes and left. My mother had a heart attack while they were away, and I never saw her again. I received a birthday card and postcard from her a few days before she passed. And every Easter Thursday I remember my parents going on holiday.
In a strange twist of fate, the last time I saw my mother-in-law was at the airport too. It was the airport in Sydney, she joined us for our first Christmas here. But this was before the days of iPhones and I have no photos of her time here! Only memories.
EGBOK
Get the party started!
And don’t forget! Everything’s gonna to be okay (EGBOK).
Pushing People Away
A kind friend mentioned in a comment here on WP that pushing people away is a defense mechanism. This thought has really stayed with me today. It is something that I tend to do. My face shows all my emotion. When I am happy, it shows. When I am sad, it shows. This morning a colleague friend of mine picked me out for having an angry face. One doesn’t have to look at your face for very long to know that something has made you angry, he told me. I am angry. I am angry that there are a few people that I have allowed to influence my emotion. And when I decide to take a stand, it feels liberating for a day or two, and after that I felt utter remorse. I feel angry for the way I deal with certain situations. Someone mentioned it is like I don’t trust in my own decision-making. And I don’t! Not at all. For I know that my decision today may come back to haunt me tomorrow. I push people away so that I will not get hurt. But in doing so, I get hurt anyway.
Everyone is so encouraging here on WordPress. I feel so much love and support and encouragement. It really lifts me up, thank you ❤
Drink Dancing-50 Word Story
The wedding was in full swing. I was nine, turning ten. Music blared as a group gathered on the dance floor. With horror, I saw. My dad! I ran and hid. From my hiding place, I recognized the voices of my friends. They had recognized him! I curled up tighter.
Shopping Bags
At my local supermarket, a shopping trolley can only be used in exchange for a coin. I never bother because it is sometimes difficult to return when the shopping is done, and I’m wanting to get home. So I rather suffer in silence, buying only what can fit in a few bags that can be carried by hand. This morning I was waiting at the car park elevator, burdened with my heavy bags, bigger items wedged underneath my arms, ready to go. No trolley required! I felt a tap on my shoulder. A kind elderly couple said they have plenty of room, I can share their trolley. I attempted a polite decline, but they insisted. After the elevator came to a stop, the man said he will accompany me to my car. And helped pack the bags for me. All with a smile and good nature. A random act of kindness that really touched me.
Growing Up
My son started high school today (not exactly sure of the term used elsewhere?). Here I am pictured with my baby boy who was at that time maybe 8 weeks old? Working in IT with all the stress and late nights that came with it, made new born babies seem like a walk in the park. And now he is in high school with a broken voice and taller than his mom. I’m not sure I’m ready for this next stage! Of assignments and exams and pressure and responsibility. I’ve been having flashbacks of my high school years in a convent. Are they good flashbacks, my son asked. Not the ones I’m getting, I had to admit! And life is dragging me along, ready or not.
Injury
I injured myself the other day. I tripped after crossing a road and could feel myself going down. Until bang! I collided with the ground. A huge chunk of flesh came out my foot. It is really painful, and is struggling to heal. Every night it forms a scab, and then in the morning I put on shoes for the day, the scab breaks, and I have a new wound all over again. Self-sabotage. In just the same way I self-sabotage my inner healing. I build up resistance, and then break it all down again. I lost myself somewhere along the way, and am still looking. Where am I? What happened to me?
Fate
Last week we went away for a few days. I was sitting on a bench along the beachfront, and while I was sitting there, a group of people passed by. They kept looking back at me, until eventually one lady broke away and came back to me. She recognized me from South Africa. She is a minister in our church (same church in South Africa that I attend in Sydney). I knew that she would be in Australia but hadn’t made any plans to catch up. She happened to be in that area for one night, and then would be in Sydney for a few days. It was one of those coincidences that sometimes feels more than a coincidence. I invited her to our home, and she was able to make the time last night to see us. It was wonderful! An unexpected and uplifting visit that felt as if God had organized it himself. Sometimes when special things like that happen, it makes me feel as though I am not forgotten, but that there is a living God we serve, one who knows our need. Xx
Poems and Petals 