Tag depression

Depression and Migraines

Vonita 15 Comments

Long term readers of my blog will know that I have suffered migraines for many years.  I have been getting headaches and / or migraines every single month for at least the past twenty years or so (except during my two full-term pregnancies).

But for the past two months I have had no migraines at my regular time. I started light anti-depressant medication towards the end of March. So far I have not missed a day.

So I can see from my personal experience, that there does seem to be a link between depression and migraines. Even insofar that they can perhaps be treated by the same medication.

I feel like I have been given a new life. I am feeling positive. I am obsessing less. I feel strong enough to make career decisions.

On the downside, my poetry is diminishing. It is evaporating from my mind. I put this down to my decrease in obsession. My mind is ruminating less, and therefore less poetry.

However, I see this as a positive thing!

 

Growing Stronger

Vonita 10 Comments

On Friday I encountered two situations that would have triggered meltdowns. Not one meltdown, but I would have gone straight from one into another. Things that happened that are my trigger points for sure. Those situations – a comment from someone, a fear of missing out, of rejection, of abandonment came rushing to the fore.

But I am healed and healing. If I ever wondered if I needed to be on medication, now I can testify how much it has helped. I was able to acknowledge those situations, identify that they are trigger points for me, that they would have had power over me in the previous days, and set them aside. Continue with my day.

I have been reduced so many times in the past to tears. The trigger points that  invoke a pain inside that shortcut any rational thought. I would be overcome. But on Friday I was not overcome. And it felt good. Empowering.

Every day I am growing stronger.

Blackened Thoughts

Vonita 5 Comments

Capture

The tip of my brush dips into the
Pot of thick black sticky paint
To smear across my face and
Skin and flesh, blocking out
Everything that causes my
Paining heart to cry
Unceasingly.

Is death a
Better
Option?

I paint some more.

Lifting Fog

Vonita 8 Comments

image

(I)
I have no idea
How to erase the gloom
The dull ache that sits on my heart
Like a thick heavy fog
Unable to move

(II)
Beams of light force their way
Through the blanket of clouds
To reach the earth and shine
Light on life, clearing the fog

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/blanket/

 

Dusk to Dawn

Vonita 14 Comments

I’m seeking a way forward

When all the doors seem closed 

I’m trying to move forward

Though all the blinds are drawn 

I look to the future

And all I see is dusk 

After this nightmare 

Please let me wake to dawn

Blindly 

Vonita 13 Comments

Blindly 

I fumbled in the dark 

Groping for keys 

To open the door 

I stumbled

As the keys fell out my grasp 

Lost forever, the door remained locked 

While I knelt in despair –

In utter hopelessness

I wept 

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/blindly/

Black

Vonita 3 Comments

I’m falling into a bottomless pit

Where ravenous wolves await 

The sky colors the world blue

But all I see is black 

Black Dog

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A black dog

Follows me around

As a dark shadow 

Biting my legs

I run as fast as I can 

And still cannot outrun 

The bared teeth threatening 

To tear my flesh apart 

My dreams are nightmares

My hope is ash

I run until 

I cannot breathe

Barbed Wire

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My mind closes rank

On itself and on myself

I reach past the barbed

Wire capturing my freedom

And the harder I reach, the closer

The wire encroaches on my well-being

Threatening to destroy my world, my life

And all of me

Another Sleepless Night

Vonita 66 Comments

Living with depression, what I’ve found is that small things can be triggers. Something external might happen that will affect my mood, my mood will sink, and the recovery time is long. My mood doesn’t automatically adjust upwards. It stays low. Not having a strong social system does not help. People need communities. And to belong. The past few days I’ve been thinking about my will to live. Wishing myself away. Except for my children. They need a mother. Maybe I’m not the best mother in the world, but I’m the only mother they have. I find solace in poetry. I’ve been reading poetry in the WordPress reader. Everyone having something to say, and going through their own pain and life experiences. 

Another sleepless night.