Covered in dust
I have no say
Muddy anchors weigh me down
As I’m tethered
Tethered
Tightened
To the ground –
A black mood sours my frown
Tag depression
Wish Away
The sun woke me up, but I failed to find the light insight. Dark shadowed all the corners I could not see past dawn or day. I curled up tight and hid away, oh please can someone wave a wand? I wish away this pain and grief, this never-ending stinking well.
Depression
As much as I try to escape it
It creeps up on me, you know
I have nowhere to hide
I have nowhere to go
I feel so helpless
There is no hope
Black covers all
I see no light
In the dark
I give up the
Fight.
Sinking
I am sinking
Further further further down
Darkness surrounds me
It’s all around
I’m trying to breath
My air is cut
Joy is dead
I have nothing left
Stop pulling!
Don’t make me drown
Under under underneath
I’m gone
The Black Dog
The sun is rising
And yet it’s dark
The birds are singing
And still it’s stark
The sky is grey
When it should be blue
l feel I should be happy
But no, I’m like old glue
Yet life should be joyful
I gave so much
Yet the vacuum is imposing
I am my own crutch
The black dog is relentless
So insistent to be pattered
Another day has gone
It’s like it never mattered
(Anonymous Poet)
Lead Me
My pain is a delicate globe, carefully held between my hands.
I will use it to channel energy, sharpen focus, and to change.
My sorrow is nudging me. Am I listening?
Speak! I am here, my eyes can see, my ears can hear. My soul can feel.
I hear you. I am not afraid.
Sadness open the way! Lead me and I will go.
No Right
I have no right to feel as black as I do
I have no right to see no light
When birds sing me awake
After a quiet night
I have no right.
Depression and Migraines
Long term readers of my blog will know that I have suffered migraines for many years. I have been getting headaches and / or migraines every single month for at least the past twenty years or so (except during my two full-term pregnancies).
But for the past two months I have had no migraines at my regular time. I started light anti-depressant medication towards the end of March. So far I have not missed a day.
So I can see from my personal experience, that there does seem to be a link between depression and migraines. Even insofar that they can perhaps be treated by the same medication.
I feel like I have been given a new life. I am feeling positive. I am obsessing less. I feel strong enough to make career decisions.
On the downside, my poetry is diminishing. It is evaporating from my mind. I put this down to my decrease in obsession. My mind is ruminating less, and therefore less poetry.
However, I see this as a positive thing!
Growing Stronger
On Friday I encountered two situations that would have triggered meltdowns. Not one meltdown, but I would have gone straight from one into another. Things that happened that are my trigger points for sure. Those situations – a comment from someone, a fear of missing out, of rejection, of abandonment came rushing to the fore.
But I am healed and healing. If I ever wondered if I needed to be on medication, now I can testify how much it has helped. I was able to acknowledge those situations, identify that they are trigger points for me, that they would have had power over me in the previous days, and set them aside. Continue with my day.
I have been reduced so many times in the past to tears. The trigger points that invoke a pain inside that shortcut any rational thought. I would be overcome. But on Friday I was not overcome. And it felt good. Empowering.
Every day I am growing stronger.
Blackened Thoughts
The tip of my brush dips into the
Pot of thick black sticky paint
To smear across my face and
Skin and flesh, blocking out
Everything that causes my
Paining heart to cry
Unceasingly.
Is death a
Better
Option?
I paint some more.
