Another Sleepless Night

Living with depression, what I’ve found is that small things can be triggers. Something external might happen that will affect my mood, my mood will sink, and the recovery time is long. My mood doesn’t automatically adjust upwards. It stays low. Not having a strong social system does not help. People need communities. And to belong. The past few days I’ve been thinking about my will to live. Wishing myself away. Except for my children. They need a mother. Maybe I’m not the best mother in the world, but I’m the only mother they have. I find solace in poetry. I’ve been reading poetry in the WordPress reader. Everyone having something to say, and going through their own pain and life experiences. 

Another sleepless night.

65 thoughts on “Another Sleepless Night

  1. Hi… which part of country you are ? I felt your agony right now and I wanted you to be connected to a family or circle of friends .. I am from Every Nation Church… anyway this is not about religion it’s about our relationship with God. 😊 I believe we all worship the same Gd and we are siblings wherever we are in the world.. 😊

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      1. <3, only you can answer that, but I feel depression is also a physical phenomena, when the serotonin is low, we feel rather lifeless.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Also, yesterday was suffering from lack of sleep, with all the support here on WordPress I am feeling better, thank you! But I will have a doctor visit to help me get through, thank you for caring Holly 🌷🌸🌷


  2. Living with depression gives sleepless nights, no doubt about that. You’ve very well balanced the depression impact with efforts to cope with it. Thoughts about ‘will to live’ and motherhood work pretty well to distract from depressing thinking. Positivity is very much at play and that is enough to bail one out of the unhappy condition.

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  3. Dear Vonita, all of us, as you say, living something not easy in this life, but look we are all here and we heal themelves and each others. Your amazing poetry is the power of yourself, and for us too. Think positive, and don’t lose your power. Yes, I am sure you are so nice mother, never say this to yourself, because it is not true. Come on, wake up and shake yourself, you are the only power of yours. You can’t imagine from which darkness I came from and today, I am, Yes, my past made me, me! Art is the only peace… without art I would have been mad… But with art I am alive and I am nia… this is enough to feel happy. Because you have to think yourself at first and if you make yourself happy, then everybody can feel this and be happy. Please don’t misunderstand me, but I love you and I don’t want to see you in these words. I am here for you always… come and drink a cup of tea with this crazy me πŸ™‚ Tonight when you go to sleep think beautiful things, and dream… imagine all beautiful things, you will sleep well… Love, nia

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    1. Thank you for sharing this dear nia, this evening I will think of your beautiful words and feel happy! You are so lovely and kind ❀️ would love to have tea with you and spend time, would be wonderful!

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  4. I am sorry you are going through this, Vonita. I had some bad nights too – no depression, just too much on my mind. But not enough sleep makes everything harder to face.
    Although everybody has their individual struggles this is at the same time what we all have in common. I wish we lived closer. For now, I hope you feel my virtual hugs, Vonita πŸ’–

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    1. I agree, Erika! Often I am thinking I wish I could have a coffee with my dear friend Erika. My friend’s husband is on a work trip in Switzerland, she sent me photos and I was thinking Switzerland and Austria and Liechtenstein definitely on my bucket list, but maybe when my kids are older, I won’t take them along, the flight is a bit too long!

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  5. Hey ther Vonita, you know I love ya, so this is why iΒ΄m going to say this.
    I think you are selfish, the easy route when you think the hole world revolves around you and you canΒ΄t handle certain thins is what? Kill yourself. And let all the other people around you that love you be miserable.
    I have been in that place, actually there are days that I donΒ΄t even want to get out of the bed, and there i sit feeling sorry for myself, and then I think about the people that love me, and they want to see me good, and that will make their life good, so I get my but out of the bed and move. It wonΒ΄t be a great move, but it is a move in the correct direction. So I just canΒ΄t sit there feeling sorry for myself,
    and I donΒ΄t even have a real close family, I know they love me but pretty much IΒ΄m on my own.
    So point being, get your shit together and move.

    Love ya, even though this comment might piss you off

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I know, peace is boring πŸ˜€ did I mention my post was written in the middle of a sleepless night??? Cut me some slack Charly, it’s a new day. And I’m here to stay haha 😁


  6. I am sorry for you…. I am suffering from depression even… I can totally understand ur situation…. I am a new blogger… You will find some poems related to depression which i will post soon. Feel free to follow back.
    Hope you get well soon.

    Liked by 1 person

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