I Will Trust 

Through cruel sorrows

Suffering and despair

I will trust 

When summer scorches

And rains begin to flood

I will trust 

When drowned by tears

And hearts are torn apart

I will trust

When night prevents 

The sun from shining 

I will trust 

We are created 

We are loved

I will trust 

We are Safe

5ihz5whosqe-chris-lawton.jpg

For the past while I’ve been struggling with the idea of change. How to make a change. What change to make. How to open the right doors. Where to go. All of my attempts have failed. It has been distressing for me, and disheartening. My self-esteem has been low. My mood has been low. And then I realized this afternoon:

Change doesn’t have to be hard

I changed my life, my country, my job, my future all  in one go, and the big thing at the time was:

It all fell into place

I didn’t have to jump through hoops, or do party tricks, or sell myself unnaturally, or bang my head against brick walls. I just allowed it to happen, and did what I needed to do when it needed to be done. It all worked out perfectly. A better country opened for my family and I, work opportunities, a new home, new friends, and it all resolved peacefully.

The world is filled with color. Embrace the color, and when change happens, embrace it. Trust in God to change our lives for the better. We are held in safe hands. We are safe.

Perils of Facebook

Yesterday I woke up on a hot summer day, very sunny, feeling low on serotonin and generally needing a pick-me-up. I was kid-sitting four kids and studying for a Java 8 exam, 700 pages of technical speak, because I’m a nerd and have nothing better to do with my time. And being technically weak I need all the help I can get. (So go and study 700 pages as punishment and then do the exam and pass).

Something about me. I love being around people. I’m not always loving one-on-one-being-under-pressure-to-make-scintillating-conversation company, but I love to be in a group. Something else, I hate being left out, I’m a classic FOMO (fear of missing out).

This morning I saw on fb a post of one of my besties on a Sunday picnic yesterday with others I know. I was not included. I hate that Fb has to advertise people’s private personal events in my face. I hate that I was not included and spent a boring day indulging in ice-cream and being a nerd.

Sometimes there are things I’d rather not know about.

Stepping Stones

Every step we take 

If taken in faith 

Will lead us to 

The other side –

It will happen

Just believe 

Indulgence


This morning I woke up in the heat of summer, low on seritonin and happy pills in general, so decided today is the day for ice cream (and anything else I can find).

So I indulged in ice cream and Turkish delight and homemade milkshakes and marshmallows and pasta followed by seconds and lemon dessert and candy and went back for more ice cream and cheese toasties with extra cheese. And coffee with cream because who cares about soy.

The day is not over yet.

Question 


Should I persevere?

Do I continue to hit my head against a hard brick wall?

Or is it better to just give up?

If the path before me is leading to a blank dead end, where to find another?

Two’s a Crowd

I can’t breathe 

I can’t move 

I can’t speak

I can’t be

I need room

I need solitude

I need quiet 

I need space

Queen of Katwe

I took myself and my kids to see the Queen of Katwe this evening. Beautiful, fresh, uplifting, inspiring movie! Must-see xo

Where is the Victory?

Looking back and

Looking forward

Searching everywhere

Seeing all my

Missteps and failure

Bringing sorrows,

Desolation and despair

I don’t understand

Don’t see the reason

What happened

To lose my way –

Where is my victory?