Sometimes I wish I could escape feelings. Or at least have a remote to control them. Set mood on automatic happiness level 9.8, maybe a happiness level of a complete 10 might be a bit OTT.
Everyday I am conscious of all the goodness around me. All the lack of suffering I have not had to endure because of circumstances of birth, combined with a touch of good fortune, tenacity and hard work. And yet, my mood is still low. Counting my blessings and being aware, but still having a sinking feeling inside of me, a feeling of sadness combined with anxiety and wistful thinking. Expectations of what we deserve in this life. Comparisons of others without knowing the whole story, not seeing the whole picture.
While we breathe we are tied to this physical realm. Our bodies need resources to survive. Love and affection and touch. One day I believe, my soul will fly free. Free of this earthly bind. Free of needing food, water, sleep, education, competition, needing to do this, needing to do that. Just being free. And feeling love. Hopefully, perhaps, it will be.