Playing with Fire

My grandmother once warned me, if I should ever take one puff of a cigarette I will be addicted forever. And so I never have. And I never will. Smoking repels me. I truly hate it. 

And yet. There are other addictions she never told me about. Addictions I willingly seek, and cannot resist. Playing with fire, and getting burnt. Burning the flesh that has already been scarred.

Just like that first puff of a cigarette. It is the first line that is crossed. That has the power to draw and hook you in. Into a tangled, messy, uncomfortable, powerless web.

And at the end, all that is left, is the burnt ash of a once beautiful flesh. 

Six Months 

It took me six months to overcome my ‘sugar-in-tea’ addiction. I had tried before, but I hated the taste of unsweetened tea. Several attempts of cutting the sugar failed. Until one day I went cold turkey. I just decided. I’m doing it. Quitting the sugar. I craved it. I pleaded with myself. Please can I have sugar in my tea? Please?? No. I really want sugar. No.

After six months, unsweetened tea and coffee tasted normal. That was sixteen years ago. Now I cannot drink sweetened tea or coffee. It makes me want to gag.

In December I went cold turkey. I will overcome my latest addiction. I have cried and whined and hated myself and been through the rough. I figure I have another three months to go. I feel stronger than I did in January. Mid-February. I am still not there yet. But stronger. The energies will change. Worlds will shift. 

I did such a great job of cutting ties that the choice is no longer mine. There is nothing I can run back to. Even if I beg and plead and stand on my head.

Acceptance is the big new word. 

Three more months.