My grandmother once warned me, if I should ever take one puff of a cigarette I will be addicted forever. And so I never have. And I never will. Smoking repels me. I truly hate it.
And yet. There are other addictions she never told me about. Addictions I willingly seek, and cannot resist. Playing with fire, and getting burnt. Burning the flesh that has already been scarred.
Just like that first puff of a cigarette. It is the first line that is crossed. That has the power to draw and hook you in. Into a tangled, messy, uncomfortable, powerless web.
And at the end, all that is left, is the burnt ash of a once beautiful flesh.
Six months to overcome an addiction. One week to go.
It took me six months to overcome my ‘sugar-in-tea’ addiction. I had tried before, but I hated the taste of unsweetened tea. Several attempts of cutting the sugar failed. Until one day I went cold turkey. I just decided. I’m doing it. Quitting the sugar. I craved it. I pleaded with myself. Please can I have sugar in my tea? Please?? No. I really want sugar. No.
After six months, unsweetened tea and coffee tasted normal. That was sixteen years ago. Now I cannot drink sweetened tea or coffee. It makes me want to gag.
In December I went cold turkey. I will overcome my latest addiction. I have cried and whined and hated myself and been through the rough. I figure I have another three months to go. I feel stronger than I did in January. Mid-February. I am still not there yet. But stronger. The energies will change. Worlds will shift.
I did such a great job of cutting ties that the choice is no longer mine. There is nothing I can run back to. Even if I beg and plead and stand on my head.
Acceptance is the big new word.
Three more months.
The thing with addiction is that
Without the boost to prop up
And the after effects
Stealing head space
Life is a daily grind
Boredom stares in the face
Resentment of a life
Without the thrill –
I want his arms around me
His lips against mine
His eyes upon me
I want him
Addiction has lured me in
Trapped me with seduction
Tempting me with honey
Mixed with vinegar
Anticipation beats my heart
For that exciting taste
Forget the bitter
I want the sweet