My toes
Sydney sand
Sunday afternoon
Bliss
Sound of the waves, sand between toes, wind through my hair, smell of salty air
When I think of him
My heart skips a beat
When he looks my way
My face flushes with heat
When he speaks to me
I wonder what to say
In everything I do
I give myself away
I have a new crush
Divine masterpiece
I am not dead yet –
Passion, to be seized
Rainy days
And dreamy morns
Books on tap
And smiles and yawns
Nothing beats
A lazy dawn –
Steamed coffee
While water falls
Owning my life
My feelings
My actions
Brings me to acceptance
Of a worthy self
A worthy heart
A worthy smile
And contentment
Happiness and
Kindness
To share
Last night I stood up a colleague. I had committed to going to an external training event. I had registered, and was all set. We needed to leave 5:30. At 4:30 I managed to get two key engineers on a conference call to complete something. It is for the project I have been working on since January, and this was the last missing piece to tie everything together. And difficult people to get hold of.
At 5:20 my colleague came past my desk. I had my mobile on speaker and my landline on speaker and having a three way conversation. Normally we have technology for such things, but the one person was at a client site and external network in Melbourne, I’m in Sydney, who knows where the other person was, but we were all working on multiple servers via a shared screen on my laptop, taking turns to control 😂
So I couldn’t just get up and leave.
My colleague waited until the last minute and then left. Not very impressed.
An hour later I was done. I jumped in a cab and headed on over. An hour late, but hey, still an hour to go. I couldn’t get past reception. The event is full I was told, and doors closed. But I’ve registered? Sorry, it is full.
So I took a photo of the entrance to prove that I was there, and made my way home.
With an awful sinking feeling.
One of my resolutions for this year is to be more friendly, and make more friends. And try to have some fun. Because we love fun 😭 oh no I hate that saying, it brings back memories. Bittersweet. (I miss him. 😭 Now it’s only me left in the we 😭).
I digress.
So this coming Wednesday bestie and I are Girls Night Out. Yay Chicks at the Flicks, yay Beauty and the Beast, yay Fun, yay Us!
I often wished I could be a project manager. Project managers have options. They can grow their careers. Move into general management. Become senior managers. Portfolio managers.
But today it hit me like a ton of bricks. Why I could never be, and why I am not a project manager. I hate asking people to do things. And waiting for them to do it. And following up.
It is a fear-based thing. Today I had to follow up something with someone. And the feeling it invoked in me. I was back to a child again having to ask an elder for something. And fearing the rebuke. Not wanting to nag. Impose. Having to rely on someone.
I don’t ask for my lawn to be mowed. I pay someone to do it. I pay for handyman services.
At least now I understand why.
Poems and Petals 