The sun has risen
Shining bright
The birds are singing
As their right
I have awoken –
Brand new day
Greetings to you
So far away
Sometimes I wish I could escape feelings. Or at least have a remote to control them. Set mood on automatic happiness level 9.8, maybe a happiness level of a complete 10 might be a bit OTT.
Everyday I am conscious of all the goodness around me. All the lack of suffering I have not had to endure because of circumstances of birth, combined with a touch of good fortune, tenacity and hard work. And yet, my mood is still low. Counting my blessings and being aware, but still having a sinking feeling inside of me, a feeling of sadness combined with anxiety and wistful thinking. Expectations of what we deserve in this life. Comparisons of others without knowing the whole story, not seeing the whole picture.
While we breathe we are tied to this physical realm. Our bodies need resources to survive. Love and affection and touch. One day I believe, my soul will fly free. Free of this earthly bind. Free of needing food, water, sleep, education, competition, needing to do this, needing to do that. Just being free. And feeling love. Hopefully, perhaps, it will be.
All my barriers
Melted at the very sight
Of you, my mistake
I hear your breathing
And feel your touch
In the darkness I know
You are with me
I am not alone
Adorning the world
Nature’s gifts abundantly
Free, pure elegance
Beautiful stars
Twinkle at night
Dance in the shadows
Of the moonlight
I was so bored this evening with nothing to do, and not feeling like reading or studying for Java 8 exam (because I can), so I just plopped onto my bed and looked at the ceiling for a couple of hours. Every thirty minutes I was able to play candy crush until my lives all died, and had to wait for reset to happen.
Well, that’s been my evening folks, from Sydney, wishing you a good night! Or good day if that works better for you.
Pop quiz: when last did you use the word ‘plop’?
Ok, so sometimes I have good ideas, and then sometimes I have not so good ideas. Like my wedding cake. As an example. My husband-to-be and I were paying for our own wedding, and on a tight budget. The venue we had booked included an ice-cream cake as part of the lunch menu. Who needs a wedding cake I thought, when there is already an ice-cream cake on the menu. It can double up. Pretty it up and there you go. Cake. What a stoopid idea. Try romantic photos attempting the slicing of a cake, an ice-cream one. It was so rock solid frozen we could not even put an ice-sharpened knife through it. And it had a green ribbon around it. When my color theme if I could say I even had one, was orange. Not green. Not clever. Not cake.
Every so often I have a conversation with someone – a friend, acquaintance, whatever, that leaves me feeling somewhat like “what just happened there”. Usually it is because of my own poor conversational skills. Either being way too self-absorbed, or just plain old negative, and who wants to listen to that?
A few days ago I watched the second Bridget Jones instalment “The Edge of Reason”. At one point she finds herself in a Thai prison surrounded by a prison cell full of female prisoners. The conversation inevitably turned to the subject of partners and their personal experiences. Being beaten, abused etc. She tried to add to the conversation, but her own ex-partner’s failings fell a bit short. He folds his underwear before he goes to sleep. Well, she couldn’t finish her sentence because she realized how lame it sounded. She needed the terrible circumstances of those around her to see things in perspective.
This morning I shared my anxiety over some aspect of my life. My friend said to me, in nine years of being in Sydney, this has not happened to you as yet. True, it hasn’t. She offered the following advice. Today you do not have to solve anything. Just enjoy your circumstances as they are, and if at some point they change for the worst, then you have reached the time to deal with it.
Poems and Petals 