Pushing People Away

Vonita

A kind friend mentioned in a comment here on WP that pushing people away is a defense mechanism. This thought has really stayed with me today. It is something that I tend to do. My face shows all my emotion. When I am happy, it shows. When I am sad, it shows. This morning a colleague friend of mine picked me out for having an angry face. One doesn’t have to look at your face for very long to know that something has made you angry, he told me. I am angry. I am angry that there are a few people that I have allowed to influence my emotion. And when I decide to take a stand, it feels liberating for a day or two, and after that I felt utter remorse. I feel angry for the way I deal with certain situations. Someone mentioned it is like I don’t trust in my own decision-making. And I don’t! Not at all. For I know that my decision today may come back to haunt me tomorrow. I push people away so that I will not get hurt. But in doing so, I get hurt anyway.

Everyone is so encouraging here on WordPress. I feel so much love and support and encouragement. It really lifts me up, thank you ❤

34 thoughts on “Pushing People Away”

  1. I know what you mean, Vonita! Feeling hurt in defending yourself from hurt. But when you look back how you defended yourself the hurt is even bigger and the frustrating feeling about yourself that you failed in your eyes is wearing. I hear you completely. In the end, it is a fight your ourselves. We are standing in our own way. The only thing that helps me is to accept that this is was my way to deal with the situation due to my inner world in that moment. Then I consciously step aside, lay it at rest and start over new. That lifts me above the situation and takes me out of my way.

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    1. Yes that is very helpful Erika. I can think of all different responses on how I could have acted but in the moment I acted in accordance to my inner world at that time. I couldn’t have acted differently because any other response would have not been ‘my truth’. My response was my truth. And my response and sorrow is my truth as well. And I guess that is all there is to it. 💝

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  4. We are all here seeking support, acceptance, encouragement, a listening ear in good times and bad and many other needs I have no time to mention or may not be aware of. Sending you hugs and well wishes.

    Music works well for helping to soothe my stirred up mind and aching heart. I’d like to dedicate a song to you and anyone else reading this comment for we are all in this crazy messed up world together and could all use a friend. Enjoy! https://youtu.be/2Pfxn0ngHW0

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    1. Oh, thank you!! I love this song, it is the first time I have heard it, and love it! Would you mind if I shared it later today (it is my morning now). Thanks a for the hugs and well wishes, you are so very kind! Xx

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    1. Oh no, not angry at all! I really loved the thought, it made it so clear to me. Sometimes we do things to protect ourselves, and knowing that is good to understand why and how we act! Thank you, it gave me a lot of peace reflecting on it xx

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  8. There is a song by a Country singer named
    Paul Brandt. He’s from my home province. His song ‘Risk’ is incredible. Watch the music video on YouTube. I think it might inspire you:)

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  9. Try not to be too hard on yourself, Vonita. Stuffing the hurtful things people say and do can be worse in the end too.

    I can’t tell you the number of times people have returned evil for good in my life but I can say this. They have always made a false assumption (lie) to defend their terrible behavior instead of a sincere apology. Try not to fret. Most hurtful people do not care about your feelings. Stand up for yourself the best you can and move on.

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    1. Thank you for your thoughtful reply, Laine! I have learnt and grown so much over the past few days, just being able to express my feelings and with so many helpful encouraging feedback. I really enjoyed your thought that most hurtful people do not care about one’s feelings, and in my case my feelings. I have been able to move to a place of peace and understanding and that is a good thing! ❤

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  11. Hah – I know I’m just as guilty – pushing people away, or my big one – avoiding them – so I won’t get hurt. I do know that part of our life journey is standing on our own two feet – and that includes being assertive. When I need to, I can do that. It doesn’t mean I like it, but I can do it. Being assertive is not being negative. Being aggressive is negative. Beside, when we are assertive and the other person does not like it – the problem is with them, not us. Most likely we’ve touched an old wound they have that they may not even know they have – but that is for them to resolve, not us. Now… I hope you won’t push us away. Your posts are a joy to read. 🙂

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    1. Absolutely no pushing away! Thank you for sharing this part of yourself. The readers here on WordPress are so wonderful, absolutely encouraging and supportive and have helped me a lot to learn and grow. Thank you for your kind words and for reading and sharing 💝

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