Not My Will

I started the day with a positive attitude. 

And then the day happened. 

Just one single interaction with someone and all my low self-esteem came gushing forth, insecurities and failures and non-growth, comparing myself to others and it is all getting old and I am not worthy and blah blah blah. 

I will have faith.

I will trust.

I will pray for God’s power.

I will be willing.

Not my will, dear Lord, but thine be done.

Not My Will


I dated a Polish boyfriend when I was at university. After we both started working, he began to hint at rings. I felt too young to get married, and also had reservations about marrying him. Though he was a lovely person and would make a great husband, I felt in my heart that we were not meant to be. So I ended the relationship. It took a few attempts. Breaking up is never easy, especially when there is no third party involved.

In ending the relationship when I did, I freed us both to meet our respective long-term partners. He met and married a beautiful woman. It took me three years to meet my husband. By this time I really wanted to be married, and have a family. My clock is ticking people, I’m halfway to thirty! Please! Only one man out of the whole world, surely that is not such a great request! It was only after pleading on my knees, that I finally came to a place of calm submission. Not my will but thine be done. Those words and prayer did not come easily. Not at all. And soon after, my husband-to-be and I started a relationship, and married soon after.

Sometimes we have to give up something to be open to receiving something better. And to have the spirit – not my will but thine be done. A prayer that goes against human nature, and all that our flesh would be.

I acted on kind feedback from others yesterday, and bought a new book!

Happy reading to me 🙂