How good is it to have clearly-defined and healthy boundaries? 

I have a colleague friend whom I have texted privately on occasion, sometimes my friend would reply and sometimes not. But would always speak to me on our work Skype accounts.

Yesterday I was ill in bed and not logged into my work account. I whatsapped to say I am sick and cold and maybe I will play candy crush on my mobile.

My friend replied with a somewhat terse, “please do not whatsapp, keep it to Skype only”.

At first I was taken aback and felt a bit shocked inside.

And then I thought, well, it is good to know that person’s boundaries. I can then respect those boundaries. Much better than ghosting me. Actually more respectful too. I hadn’t figured that we could quite openly communicate on one communication device and not on another. 

But at least now I know.

Feeling Secure

One of the nicest things a man can do for a woman is to help her feel secure. To make her feel that he is there for her. I speak for myself on this, but I have learnt that when I am feeling insecure it prompts a whole rash of odd, eccentric, psycho behavior. Attention-seeking behavior. Random texts that make no sense. Random words that make even less. Mood swings and aggression. Clinginess and tears. Poetry and prose and writing and a never-ending well of words.

When I am feeling secure I am a whole different person. Confident and out-going. Centered and in control. In my own power.

My success-relationships in the past had this in common. I felt secure. I felt wanted. I felt desired. I felt attractive. And I felt the other person was ‘into me’. That they were going to put in effort to pursue. That all I had to do was allow them to do just that. And none of them involved ‘flirting’. There was attraction, but it was on a deeper level than the superficial game of flirting. It involved speaking to me. Getting to know me. And addressing me by name. Like I’m a real person and not a random female sex object. Thats always a start!

Secret Message

For one day only
I will tell you my thoughts
I will write them down for you
Tomorrow they will be erased
What I have to say will all be gone
No trace of these words will ever remain

I would like you to know how much I love you
The pain in my chest when I think of you
The longing to be close to you
The desire of my heart

But it can never be
It will never be
All that will remain
Is a blank page

With no words typed
Or written
No trace of any words
At all

Help yourself, goodnight

Someone’s left you a voicemail message, but all you can make out are the last words: “I’m sorry. I should’ve told you months ago. Bye.” Who is it from, and what is this about?

“I’m sorry. I should’ve told you months ago. Bye.”
Hmm. What should you have told me months ago?
What haven’t you been telling me?
All this time we have been together

For some reason
I am not getting a good feeling
I knew there must have been cause
For all your weekend work

The unscheduled callouts
Work-related schedules
That would happen
On my time

I’m over you
There is no need
For any more messages

Left for me on my voice mail
That I can hardly make out
Do not want to make out
Do not want to hear it

And BTW, there is no message
That I do not know anyway
I was not born yesterday
I do not mind sharing

It is secrets I do not like
And information being withheld
As if I would even care
I’m tired, I’m off to bed

But before I go –
No joy from me
Help yourself
Good night