Twenty Years Ago

In Australia, as well as in South Africa, the Easter celebration is celebrated over four days, which means a long weekend for most people. In 1996, my parents were very excited to go on holiday to the UK. They left on the Thursday evening before Easter Friday. My sister and I would be staying alone for three weeks. We were both working by that time, but it was the longest time we would be left at home alone. My mother and I had been finding our way through some friction for the past few months. It was my first year of work and I had started as a graduate hire at a global IT company. I was struggling to settle in. And did not want to let my mother down, she was so proud of me and the degree and position I had got. I had bought her a pale blue sweater to take along on her holiday. She wore it on the evening they left. My boyfriend at the time was in a bad mood as the plan had been for him to take them to the airport. But plans changed! My sister had received a new car that week and wanted to go in her new car. So off we went to the airport. The five of us, my dad, mom, sister, boyfriend and myself. I could see boyfriend was upset. He had filled his car with gas and had gone out of his way to clean it and get it ready for the airport trip, which was now not happening. When we arrived at the airport we climbed out and said our farewells. One of the last words I spoke to my mother was, M is not happy because we didn’t go in his car. I can’t remember her response. We said our goodbyes and left. My mother had a heart attack while they were away, and I never saw her again. I received a birthday card and postcard from her a few days before she passed. And every Easter Thursday I remember my parents going on holiday.

In a strange twist of fate, the last time I saw my mother-in-law was at the airport too. It was the airport in Sydney, she joined us for our first Christmas here. But this was before the days of iPhones and I have no photos of her time here! Only memories.

EGBOK

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Get the party started!

And don’t forget! Everything’s gonna to be okay (EGBOK).

US Dollars

Over the past few months (since end October), I have been buying US dollars on a travel card. $1000 AU dollars would buy approximately $675 US dollars. Well, I’ve really shot myself in the foot because the exchange rate has suddenly swung in my favor and would now buy $730. Except I’ve already bought the bulk of what we may need! Any suggestions on what a daily budget would need to be for food, gas, holiday expenses (excluding accommodation), for a family of four? $250 – would that be enough per day? Just looking for an estimate to budget pls, obviously it won’t be the same every day. We will be in California in three weeks!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/price/

 

Pushing People Away

A kind friend mentioned in a comment here on WP that pushing people away is a defense mechanism. This thought has really stayed with me today. It is something that I tend to do. My face shows all my emotion. When I am happy, it shows. When I am sad, it shows. This morning a colleague friend of mine picked me out for having an angry face. One doesn’t have to look at your face for very long to know that something has made you angry, he told me. I am angry. I am angry that there are a few people that I have allowed to influence my emotion. And when I decide to take a stand, it feels liberating for a day or two, and after that I felt utter remorse. I feel angry for the way I deal with certain situations. Someone mentioned it is like I don’t trust in my own decision-making. And I don’t! Not at all. For I know that my decision today may come back to haunt me tomorrow. I push people away so that I will not get hurt. But in doing so, I get hurt anyway.

Everyone is so encouraging here on WordPress. I feel so much love and support and encouragement. It really lifts me up, thank you ❤

City Slickers

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I was in the car with my daughter and her friend, in an area we don’t normally frequent. Actually, we were on an excursion to track down some Vietnamese-inspired cuisine to cross off an item from my husband’s bucket list. So off we went.
On our way back I spotted this wonderfully healthy looking tree spotted with apples. I couldn’t help but exclaim, look over there, can you see the apples on the tree? The two girls looked over and my daughter’s friend piped up, I’ve never seen apples on trees before. She will be eleven this year. Her comments stopped me in my thoughts. Is it really possible to be that disconnected from nature? When last did I see an apple on a tree?
Yes, all those piles of apples in our supermarket every day, the most common of fruit, they really do grow on trees.

Beyond Conprehension

Why do bad things happen? So bad that it is beyond conprehension. This past week I read of the poor woman who was trapped in an elevator. No one rescued her. No one cared. The situation she was in is beyond imagination.

And on Monday a sixteen year old went jogging with her mom and sister. Tokai Forest, Cape Town. We picnicked there as children. She decided to run ahead, and ended up dead. Raped and straggled and murdered.

Where is the light? Why do these things happen? I don’t understand.

Tapestry of Life

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A colleague of mine turned thirty today. I spent a few minutes thinking back on my thirties. Just because I’ve been there and I can. I thought of how I can sum up those ten years of my life? Well, I spent much energy on unhelpful thoughts. But. I traveled to Hungary, Zimbabwe, the UK, Australia. My daughter was born. We moved countries. I saw both my children start at school. I volunteered with reading groups. And eventually, at the age of 39.5, I harnessed all my unhelpful thoughts, and began to yarn them into poetry. My tapestry of life. Passion through poetry.

Decisions

One of the biggest decisions I’ve had to make was to leave my home and family behind, and start a new life in a foreign land. If I stop and think about it, it’s a rather huge decision. A few months earlier I had to make a decision on changing jobs. I was offered a new position, and had to decide. It tore at me, I was at peace with nothing, to stay or to go. My daughter was still a baby, and I couldn’t see how I would cope with either choice. My nerves gave in. After much obsession, I joined the new company. From the first moment, I struggled to adapt. Everything bothered me, the building, the location, everything! After a couple of weeks I decided not to continue. The manager at my previous company was gracious, and invited me to return. In doing so, the way opened to move to Australia. This time there was no anxiety. I created a to-do list and got on with it. So even though it was a major life-changing decision, it took minimal energy to make. And that is how it often seems to be. The big decisions are sometimes clear-cut and easy to make, but every day we have smaller decisions that consume way more energy. What to eat, what to wear, read WordPress blogs on the bus, write a post, or read the news instead, etc!

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/the-road-less-traveled/

Overjoyed!

Everyday I am so encouraged by the wonderful writers on WordPress and the amazing community spirit. I feel strengthened daily by the support of strong, positive, talented friends that I have made. This evening I received the most wonderful surprise, and feel so overwhelmingly touched that I would really like to share it! I have to share it, because I’m bursting with the news, I can’t keep it inside! My daughter was excited to find a parcel in our letter box, and couldn’t wait for me to arrive home to open it. Her dad wouldn’t allow her to as it was addressed to her mother. Can you imagine our surprise when I finally arrived home, and it felt like Christmas! Inside the parcel was a beautifully wrapped gift, so amazingly thought out, I have tears in my eyes! A collection of not one gift, but a whole parcel of different items. My daughter was able to guess a book, and ‘something soft’. We opened it to discover a book of Rumi poems, a beautifully bound journel with Old Istanbul depicted on the front, traditional design table cloth and pillow set, a handwritten letter, and a card with the most gorgeous kitten on the front! So much kindness and love in one parcel, that I do not have any words to express the meaning it has for me. All thoughtfully packaged my dear friend Nia. (Am sharing with permission). Nia has a soft, graceful, beautiful spirit and can be found here:

 

http://photographyofnia.com

She is also a cat lover! Thank you, dear Nia, from the bottom of my heart. And also from my daughter, she has already announced that she will cherish the pillow set forever. I am going to have a fight to get them back from her!

 

 

Black Forest Cake

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It was my father’s birthday yesterday. I felt it quite strongly as I am so far away, and no idea when I will see him again. I called to wish him, and he was standing in  his local supermarket. He no longer works, and his age is starting to show. The manager at the supermarket offered him a complimentary cake to celebrate his birthday. My father took great pleasure in standing at the counter, and being able to choose a birthday cake for himself. There is often so much negativity that emanates from South Africa, the corruption and crime. But yesterday an old man was blessed with the gift of a birthday cake from a stranger who cared.