I forgive him
For the pain that broke my heart
I forgive him
For tearing my soul and life apart
I forgive him
For loving me and walking away
I forgive him
For using me for his good pleasure
I forgive him
For all that he has done and said
And I forgive myself too
For lighting the fire
Stoking the flame
Burning my fingers
My hand
My heart
And going back
For more
More of the same
My heart filled with love
An overflowing, abundant, falling stream
And I knew everything I had
Everything I needed
Everything I wished for and desired
Was carried by the living waters
Of love to me
A butterfly descended from the sky
With fragile blue wings
And touched my cheek
A gentle soft kiss
And I knew it was
My angel
Greeting me
I have been stuck in the same old
Same old rut for months on end
With no reprieve
And suddenly
My eyes opened
To a different angle
A new perspective hit me
Squarely in the face
My neck snapped back
And jolted me right out
That stupid old
Rut
Your lips
Your eyes
Your scent
Your voice
Your love
Your sweet caress
I miss you xxxxxxxxx
I feel sick to my core
When I remember your tender eyes
Your tender hands
Your kisses
Your smile
I feel sick to my core
Remembering places and feelings
Excitement
Pulsing
I cannot even understand
How you were never mine
How you loved but didn’t
How you ghosted every time
And even though I wish
I had never laid eyes on you
I wish more
That you could have loved me
I don’t understand
I cannot understand
That you didn’t
How could you have loved me
The way you did so fully
But not loved me?
I had the most vivid dream
Of friends and love and betrayal and trust
All the daily thoughts
That sadden me
Wove their way into my sleep
My craziness, my hopes, and fears
I felt it all, I was there
Right in the midst
Of daily toil
And then I woke
To silent air
I grasp
At the night
I grasp at straws
My fake happy has slipped
The mask has dropped
And I am left exposed
My mind is filled
With a multitude of
What ifs
I wish them away
I wish them to go
I scream and shout
No more!
Leave me alone
Leave me in peace
It is what the hell it
Is!
If people were robots
I could make you
Love me
I could make you
Kiss me
Over and
Over again
But people are not robots
And I cannot make you
Love me
Or kiss me
Over and
Over again
I cannot make you
Greet me
Or smile at me
Or laugh with me
Or talk to me
You are not a robot and
You have
Your own
Free will
Poems and Petals 