You Are My Company

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This morning I walked my daughter to school, instead of dropping her off outside the gates. When we entered the road that her school is in, there was only a short way to go, and she is getting older now. I said to her, you can walk the rest of the way by yourself. And she replied, I don’t want to, I want you to walk with me, you are my company. One little sentence that made my heart soar, and heart sore for knowing that she will grow and fly away. Yes, my child, for now, I am your company, and you are mine.

Dungarees

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Out of Your Reach.”

I went shopping with my daughter the other day. I was looking for some dresses for her. She saw a pair of dungarees and asked me straight away, please can I get these? My immediate reaction was no, I’m not here to buy those, I’m looking for dresses. Another time. As we walked away, she said to me quietly, I’ve asked before and you always say another time, but there is never another time. It stopped me in my tracks. I thought to myself good point. I decided to change my mind and said to her okay, let’s go back. I bought them for her, and she wears them now all the time! And they look so cute on her! I told her on the way back, she really twisted my arm, but I suppose that’s what mothers are for. I don’t have a mother whose arm I can twist, so good for her!

Invisible Cord

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It was only a decade
And two years ago
When you came into my life
And though I know
I will have to let you go
Your eyes will always
Hold their place
Inside of me


Happy birthday
First born son
Of mine

Not Falling Far

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I’ve Become My Parents.”

Do you ever find yourself doing something your parents used to do when you were a kid, despite the fact you hated it back then?

My mother was the nurturer and carer in my childhood home. My father was the disciplinarian, and has a short temper. I knew to behave around him and speak with respect. No back-chatting or arguing. He would not tolerate it. I am scared of men even today. I had to choose a life-partner who did not display a temper. Because my mother was soft-natured I could get away with more. And as children are, they learn boundaries and push those boundaries where they know they can. I kept to myself at home, my sister used to help prepare the evening meal and chat about her day with our mother. I would listen in, write in my journal, and focus on my schoolwork. Not really sharing much.
I thought when I grew up I would naturally be a mother like my own. But I realized quickly I am more like my father. I discipline my children. I do not tolerate disrespect. I have a shorter fuse than my husband. My husband is the nurturer. He reads the bed time stories. He tries new recipes. He is constant and calm. My mother was the rock holding our family together, and my husband is the same. I am still wrapped up in my own world, writing on my blog, or being pre-occupied with work, or fantasy-land or whatever is on my mind.
My daughter and I are on the same wavelength. She chats to me all the time. My son seems to be more like me when I was growing up. Just being there, but not sharing much. I can see that part of myself reflected in him. And I know there’s nothing I can do to change it.

In My Heart

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I had a mother for a while
A woman to care for me
She cared
She loved
She shared
She cried
Until that day arrived
When suddenly
Without warning
She died
.

My Son

My son
First from my womb
Growing up in the shadows
Of a baby girl
Turning into a man
Taking my breath away
Sparkling blue eyes
For all I’ve done wrong
I’ve been blessed
With a son
Like you

Growing Up

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You are turning into a man
And the baby I knew
Is gone from me
Slipped away and I wish
I could give that little boy
A hug from his mother
One more time

Guilt

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You were my baby
You are my son
I was the only mother
I knew how to be
And when I think
Of how I’ve failed you so
My hope remains
That your spirit is greater
Than mine could ever
Have been

Silent Kisses

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When I feel your body close to mine
When I hear your beating heart
When I know that you are safe
And no harm can come your way
I close my eyes and pray
Silent kisses for today

Happy Mother’s Day

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A little hand
Found it’s way into another
A child and her mother
And I felt safe

Happy Mother’s Day to all the beautiful mothers today, you make the world a safer place xo