Insecurity

Vonita

When I turned eight my mother held a birthday party for me. The children arrived and played with my sister. I felt left out of my own birthday party. I promised quietly I would never agree to having another party for myself. I felt insecure. Two weeks later we moved to the city. I started a new school in the middle of the school term. I was the new girl. At my previous school I had my best friend Angie. We had grown up together. I really missed Angie. Her real name was Angelique and I loved the sound of her name. I struggled to make new friends. I was too shy to join in with the other girls, and none of them invited me to. I became a loner. And escaped in books.

Sometimes blogging brings up feelings of insecurity. How will I feel if others read my writing and then they don’t? What happens if they stop reading? Etc. I don’t want to be left out. There is honesty in blogging. We can present a window of ourselves and not the total view, but it is still a reflection of who we are.

38 thoughts on “Insecurity”

  1. You’re not alone in feeling insecure in the blogging world. I can truly identify in the insecurities you mention. But I guess at the end of the day we have to remind ourselves why we write. Is it for the approval and acknowledgement of others one seeks? Would one stop writing if knowing no one would read it?

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    1. Thank you for commenting, I’m glad others can resonate with how I am feeling. We do make ourselves public through blogging, in doing so open ourselves up to insecurities and other vulnerabilities. I would still be writing even if no-one read it ❤

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    2. i second that too. I believe with each writing we need to really reflect on why we write and once we can answer that we will continue writing even though people may not read or acknowledge our work. At the end of the day we are writing to heal our own souls

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  2. I understand your feelings, worries, and fears deeply. I also felt left out. But you know what? You have 3000 followers. That’s people who follow you because they liked what they read. You did not need to go to them begging for following you. They just came to you. We never know how things develop. But that is not what it’s about. It is about to enjoy what you achieved by now. If you do enjoy every day what you achieved by now, you will never worry anymore.

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    1. Thank you Erika. I normally have a handle on it. Sometimes feelings resurface though, and am acknowledging them. I love writing poetry. I don’t even know where the poems come from because I can’t think them up. Have to wait for them to pop into my head and then when they are posted, I wonder where did they even come from? Thank you for your encouragement ❤

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  3. Hahaha! Erika had some beautiful words there.

    What about insecurity? If we are looking through someone else’s eyes there is always a reason to doubt! Whose eyes are we looking through anyway?

    My sense is that when we are not being True to ourselves, the world stuff of fear, anger, blame and shame begins to look real. Of course it is not, though the world would like you and I to make an agreement that it is. Truth is that there are no limitations to your’s or any of our’s success in life and the freedom of our expression on this planet called Earth, except to the point that we agree on the limitations of it. My father, your mother, his sister, her/his financial condition, your/my overbearingness/reticence (hahaha! Not personal just an example…) (put your excuse here) etc.

    Many ways to retreat from the Truth of ourselves and not take responsibility for the beauty, understanding and wisdom that we each have been given. Just saying…we all got some work to do.

    Nice post Vonita.

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  4. The fact that you are putting yourself out there by blogging shows great strength. You should be proud of yourself. Your words touch a great many people. It is a very positive thing.

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  5. I relate a lot to your story. I have a feeling that almost everybody experiences this, perhaps not to the extent that you have written of. So many of us were bullied or excluded and those wounds stay with us. I applaud and support your efforts to reach out through blogging. You are courageous and strong.

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      3. That is the attraction of (reading) blogging. Honesty. My own BS detector is good but it has never even twitched in all the wonderful blogs I read. People’s stories. People’s lives. This IS community that is missing in so many parts of the world.
        Well I’ve ended up writing a poem in my detailed response. I hope to post it over the next day, keep your eye out for it!
        A di

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  7. Every blogger share the same feeling of insecurity… Of no one appreciating what you write or post in your blog and the dreaded feeling of just being alone in the entire virtual universe. It is quite frustrating that after all the efforts, no one seems to notice it. But then again, we should also ask ourselves, is there something we could do to make the world notice us? … Just sharing my thoughts… 🙂

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  9. I am a loner at school too, had only 2 best friends who loves adventures and fights. I had had hard time having to mend relation/friendship with anyone, but I know how to manage the situation and no one notice how shy I was. I struggled trying to find my own identity but I was never afraid of things or people. I am a loner and a survivor at the same time.

    So many years later when I am getting older, I am still a loner and just like you, my world is in the books and journals. I have nearly a hundred journals by now and I just love to write. I don’t mind if people do not read me because to have expectations will somehow disappoint one too much if your wishes are not fulfil.

    I write because I love it and I write because it is a way of knowing me better, to change me, to heal me, to treat myself with gifts of beautiful words in my own imagination. I know the few special readers who reads me are the ones who loyally read me and respond to my blogs – those who don’t, I understand perhaps my kind of writing are not theirs, perhaps. Everyone has different ideas and likes – so I accepted that it is so. 🙂

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  10. Pingback: And Insecurity Fades. | 42 Days Younger than Kylie

  11. One of the major reasons why i started blogging was to find comfort in throwing my words into the Internet Jungle and getting people to connect with who i am. have been writing for quite sometime and coming to WordPress gave me a platform to be in touch with fellow bloggers.
    the eyes are the windows to one’s soul and I believe the words we put on paper are the gatekeepers of our soul.

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  12. Nice post Vonita. You are so right when you said “We can present a window of ourselves and not the total view, but it is still a reflection of who we are”. Just because of that, you make more friends in here every day so you will never feel alone. All the best Adrian B.

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  13. Always remember that people see YOU the way THEY are…through their own experiences and world views, not the way you are. None of what they think is real. You know who you are and that’s all that will ever matter. That’s why everyone sees a person differently because they see what they know themselves, not what’s actually in front of them.

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