Recognition

I love recognition. It is one of those personality shortcomings of mine that I wish I didn’t have. I love to be recognized for the work I do. It is a motivator for me. Not that it has happened for a while (and that in itself is frustrating). Friends of mine are not like that. They get given a job to do, and get on with it. Leave the recognition for those that are caught up with it. Somewhere inside it feels like I have a point to prove. I was like that at school, and it has never really left. I had a point to prove then. I had a speech impediment, and was considered a ‘special needs’ child. Rejection caused me to seek approval.

But what point do I still have to prove? That I can do the job? I know I can (um, with a bit of help and tenacity, maybe). I am smart? Sometimes I am, and sometimes it passes me by (cue the pano shot story I wrote about).  Math and numbers are easy for me, so I know I am smart there.

My focus is all on the wrong things. Perhaps I should use some solitude to embrace being me. With no recognition required! There is no me like me (thank goodness for that, one of me I think is enough).

Discarded Me

A Poem I decided not to publish

Eccentric
Crazy lady
Sometimes I am an introvert
Want to be left alone
And sometimes I don’t

Sometimes I am so sad
Not finding any relief from
The sheer darkness within
Other times my heart is happy
And my soul is glad

Always feeling, passionating
Not resonating
With the normal others
That would encompass me
Handle me with care

Wrapped in my own world
My own thoughts
Magical mysteries inside of me
Enjoying my own company
And the world created so exquisitely

I’m a writer
I’m a dreamer
I’m a coder
I’m a walker
I’m a talker

I can lead, I can follow
I can laugh, I can cry
Very easily
I can love, I can live
I am aware, I breathe

Sensitive
Transparent
A world of contrasts
Wrapped into one
This is me, I am Vonita
Moving towards the light
Passioning through Poetry

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