What would it mean
To see my mother again?
To speak for just an hour or few
We could share so much of
What has been, the days of now
We could speak of how the world has changed
Lives since gone and lives now new
Her dogs and cat and partner ceased
Oh mom – our family, our home now gone.
Oh mom, I miss you oh so much
Every day, every year I miss your touch
A mother’s hand a gift so kind
To every child that’s born
To every heart that beats
Oh mom, I have my own children now
Your grandchildren you would love so much
Oh mom – how I wish!
For you to be here once more
To be here again for another
Hour or few.
I reach my hand to touch your face
And find your face not there
I long to trace your fingertips –
Your hands are nowhere near
I wish to look into your eyes
And meet your soul with mine
Your image haunts my every dream!
I want to shout and scream
Where are you, in this world?
All I have are thoughts
And sweet reminders of the times
We touched and loved and kissed
I hunger now for you, my love
The memories have to fill
That aching void that never goes
It stays with me through all.
My pain is a delicate globe, carefully held between my hands.
I will use it to channel energy, sharpen focus, and to change.
My sorrow is nudging me. Am I listening?
Speak! I am here, my eyes can see, my ears can hear. My soul can feel.
I hear you. I am not afraid.
Sadness open the way! Lead me and I will go.
Give me poetry when I start to drown
Into the abyss of my internal distress
Wrap me in words when rain soaks my
Humor until there is none left
My longing, my heartache, my desire
Be my water
Cleanse me from head to toe
I need you
There were times I loved you
There were times I feared
There were times I knew to quickly
There were tears and smiles and hugs
There were all the gifts you bought to share
You were my dad, the father I knew
And now you are gone, my sorrow is strong
I remember your hugs, your voice and your
I am your daughter, your flesh and your
I closed a door and opened a new one to
Magical unexplored worlds of bravery
My sick body holds my heart
Shattered into infinite pieces
I wish to be everywhere but find
I am nowhere
My heart that was tender and soft
Is in parts.
I see you in my dreams
I hear you in my mind
I feel you in my heart
I remember the very night
You flew from the land
And from my life
I am married now, Ma
I have a beautiful boy
And a daughter who looks like you
You are a grandmother now, Ma
Your legacy to the world
Your purpose lives on
I live your lessons every day
In my heart and in my life
And all I have is one tiny message
From my heart to yours
After all this time and what has been
Your baby girl is okay
In memory of my mother
28 April 1951 – 19 April 1996
The love I held for you
Was such an intimate part of myself
That your translucent face haunting
My lonely heart has direct access
To the faucet of my tears
It is a lesson once again to be thankful and grateful for our lives, and the air we breathe. We are alive! We breathe! Yay for that.
The birds outside are chirping, and the sun is rising. Grace for today, that is my prayer.
My mother left us too soon. It is strange how you can have a life, a home, everything around you as it is, and then suddenly you are no longer there. Just plucked from your life, and there you go, dead.
I sometimes think about the life my mother left behind. If she suddenly returned how everything has changed. Her home is no longer. Her children have married. She would be a grandmother. There is google. There are smartphones. Can you believe that 21 years there was no google?
The last time I saw my mother she was wearing a blue sweater I bought her. She was going on an overseas vacation with my father. We drove to the airport, hugged goodbye, and then she was gone. I was 21, soon to be 22.
On an airplane and out my life.