Yesterday I bought an old favorite of mine, Estée Lauder Beautiful Sheer. Apparently it is being discontinued. I managed to purchase one of the last three bottles in the store.
I wore this scent on a trip to Harare, Zimbabwe a few weeks before I left South Africa. It invokes memories for me. Good and bad and pain on my then soft heart.
But today! I am wearing it again. And I am back in Harare. With my perfume and my children then still babies, and a new future ahead of me.
And my heart is no longer as soft. The years and scars and experiences and feelings have toughened it up.
The scent, though, still lingers.
An in and out
And stillness at each end
Bookmarks my breath
I woke up and breathed
That gentle first breath of life:
I am still alive
He respected me enough to walk away when I asked him to. To not use and abuse me anymore. And that is a good thing. Past hurts are monuments of risk. On taking the chance of something better. Of being vulnerable and open and alive. Scars show we bleed. And scars show we heal.
Bleeding and healing go together. It is life. Without either we would be dead.
Six decades and six years ago
My mother was born
I celebrate her life
Remember her love
And blow kisses
Grains of sand
Trickle through the timer
Against a ticking clock
I cross another day
Off my life’s calendar
At the end of last year I volunteered for a project at work. I had no idea how I would build it, or how to even start. But I decided I would do it.
And I’ve completed it. The client finished their user acceptance testing yesterday. There are some parts I would do differently if I had to do it over again. There were difficulties and challenges, and failures too. But even so, it is done.
I have achieved something. I have learnt. I have created.