Fill Your Life

Fill your life with beautiful things

With warmth and comfort and love and grace

Take an empty heart 

And pour overflowing joy into its depth

Feel the sun 

Embrace the moon 

Dream sweet dreams 

And Sing! 

Songs of praise 

 

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Hope!

It feels so good to be able to look back at the past six months, since March when I had an adverse reaction to a life situation, and I was finally able to say ‘Enough’. And so I went all out on making positive choices and change to my life. (Thank you Zoloft, Calm app, Toastmasters, diploma of Graphic Design).

And here I am. Something happened on Friday that would normally have been a major trigger for me. In previous days I would have been a hopeless mess, struggling to deal with my non-existent self-esteem, and placing everyone higher than myself.

I’ve had a passing thought this weekend, what about the trigger on Friday? Shouldn’t I be upset about it? Shouldn’t I be struggling to cope?

And yet all that happens, is that it is a passing thought. I can see clearly that when people don’t act in a way we wish them to act, it is sometimes doing us a great favor. We are being saved from further pain. I am able to move on quickly to the next happy thought. Something that is uplifting and positive. And that’s a wonderful, wonderful place to be in.

I have hope!

Life!

Battles are a part of us

They walk with us every day

Hand in hand 

I used to fear my battles 

Hiding behind corners and tears

And obsessive behavior 

Anything to avoid those battles that defeat

This morning I realized 

They are nothing to be scared of

We may fall 

We may stumble 

We may be defeated 

We may be tormented 

But we are Life!

We can get up

We can stand

We can obtain victory 

We can survive 

And just when we do

It might happen all over again 

And it will!

Because we are 

Life 

emotions

emotions are gentle waves lapping the soft warm sand of a sun-kissed beach.

emotions are raging storms that toss the largest ships as if they were a child’s toy.

emotions are tiny bubbles that sparkle and effervesce as giggles that cannot be contained.

emotions are salty tears that drench our cheeks with their relentless downpour.

they are pastel shades of a mother’s love, that overwhelming poignancy of meeting her newborn babe.

emotions speak truth and tell the tallest lies.

they are dark and white, and grey and light.

they are all the colours of the rainbow, and the blackest dream in which to drown.

emotions are life and the only thing that emotions are not

Is death. 

Follow the Leads

I love the thought that we don’t always have to be striving for an ending in sight. We don’t need to be following a ‘plan’. Sometimes we just need to follow the leads. To be still and listen to our hearts. Listen to the stirrings of our souls. And be true to what we hear.

Be soft enough to hear, and gentle enough to feel. Be willing to be moved. And then follow the leads. 

Allow ourselves to be surprised.

Scent

Yesterday I bought an old favorite of mine, Estée Lauder Beautiful Sheer. Apparently it is being discontinued. I managed to purchase one of the last three bottles in the store.

I wore this scent on a trip to Harare, Zimbabwe a few weeks before I left South Africa. It invokes memories for me. Good and bad and pain on my then soft heart.

But today! I am wearing it again. And I am back in Harare. With my perfume and my children then still babies, and a new future ahead of me.

And my heart is no longer as soft. The years and scars and experiences and feelings have toughened it up.

The scent, though, still lingers.