In my younger days, especially in those when I began work as an IBM graduate, I had no idea of who I was or where I would like to be.
I remember attending a conference where we heard about vision. The difference between having dreams and a vision. A vision is more concrete. It has a plan. Steps to take. I remember feeling disheartened. I had no dreams or visions. I had no idea where I wanted to be. I wanted some day to be married with children. I wanted to be a wife and mother. And that was about it.
Looking back, I have been blessed in what I wished for. I’m a wife and mother. And I know more about myself now than I ever did. I love to draw. I love to create. I love to write. I love to achieve. And I have tenacity.
Hopefully I still have a few more days left. I still don’t have much of a vision. But I know I want to achieve. I want to be the best I can be. The best designer, the best writer, the best software developer, the best person I can be.
Fill your life with beautiful things
With warmth and comfort and love and grace
Take an empty heart
And pour overflowing joy into its depth
Feel the sun
Embrace the moon
Dream sweet dreams
Songs of praise
When surrounded by darkness
And we cannot see in front
When distressed by others
And happiness is brief
When discouraged by the way
And all our hope is lost
We are life
We are joy
We are love
It feels so good to be able to look back at the past six months, since March when I had an adverse reaction to a life situation, and I was finally able to say ‘Enough’. And so I went all out on making positive choices and change to my life. (Thank you Zoloft, Calm app, Toastmasters, diploma of Graphic Design).
And here I am. Something happened on Friday that would normally have been a major trigger for me. In previous days I would have been a hopeless mess, struggling to deal with my non-existent self-esteem, and placing everyone higher than myself.
I’ve had a passing thought this weekend, what about the trigger on Friday? Shouldn’t I be upset about it? Shouldn’t I be struggling to cope?
And yet all that happens, is that it is a passing thought. I can see clearly that when people don’t act in a way we wish them to act, it is sometimes doing us a great favor. We are being saved from further pain. I am able to move on quickly to the next happy thought. Something that is uplifting and positive. And that’s a wonderful, wonderful place to be in.
I have hope!
Battles are a part of us
They walk with us every day
Hand in hand
I used to fear my battles
Hiding behind corners and tears
And obsessive behavior
Anything to avoid those battles that defeat
This morning I realized
They are nothing to be scared of
We may fall
We may stumble
We may be defeated
We may be tormented
But we are Life!
We can get up
We can stand
We can obtain victory
We can survive
And just when we do
It might happen all over again
And it will!
Because we are
emotions are gentle waves lapping the soft warm sand of a sun-kissed beach.
emotions are raging storms that toss the largest ships as if they were a child’s toy.
emotions are tiny bubbles that sparkle and effervesce as giggles that cannot be contained.
emotions are salty tears that drench our cheeks with their relentless downpour.
they are pastel shades of a mother’s love, that overwhelming poignancy of meeting her newborn babe.
emotions speak truth and tell the tallest lies.
they are dark and white, and grey and light.
they are all the colours of the rainbow, and the blackest dream in which to drown.
emotions are life and the only thing that emotions are not
I love the thought that we don’t always have to be striving for an ending in sight. We don’t need to be following a ‘plan’. Sometimes we just need to follow the leads. To be still and listen to our hearts. Listen to the stirrings of our souls. And be true to what we hear.
Be soft enough to hear, and gentle enough to feel. Be willing to be moved. And then follow the leads.
Allow ourselves to be surprised.
The world offers abundance. The earth has power that we can not even comprehend. Homes and houses and cities destroyed within one fell swoop.
We are nothing. And yet. We are part of that abundance. We are creation. We are formed from the same power.
And we have life.