Insecurity

When I turned eight my mother held a birthday party for me. The children arrived and played with my sister. I felt left out of my own birthday party. I promised quietly I would never agree to having another party for myself. I felt insecure. Two weeks later we moved to the city. I started a new school in the middle of the school term. I was the new girl. At my previous school I had my best friend Angie. We had grown up together. I really missed Angie. Her real name was Angelique and I loved the sound of her name. I struggled to make new friends. I was too shy to join in with the other girls, and none of them invited me to. I became a loner. And escaped in books.

Sometimes blogging brings up feelings of insecurity. How will I feel if others read my writing and then they don’t? What happens if they stop reading? Etc. I don’t want to be left out. There is honesty in blogging. We can present a window of ourselves and not the total view, but it is still a reflection of who we are.

Good and Bad

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “I Have Confidence in Me.”

There are a few things I am good at. I was good at mathematics at school. I loved it. I completed two years of math major at university, and received a degree in Computational & Applied Math. I love helping my children with their math homework. I love the numbers and patterns. I am a pattern type of person.

I am good at Application Development. But I am not confident. There is always something that has the power to trip me up. I have struggled with a few things when trying to integrate different systems. My husband can solve any problem. If you give my husband a problem he will solve it. I do not have that level of confidence. And it causes me a lot of stress and insecurity. I never considered myself a right-brained person. But perhaps I am, and that is why I stuggle so much with feelings of confidence. Currently I am on a sabbatical from work until the end of April. To have more time with my children, and to finish my book (it’s finished, hence my increased postings!)

I was terrible at languages at school. My language grades were always the lowest. With math the answer would be right or wrong. With literature I would have to guess what the poet meant when the poem was written. I hated having to decipher hidden meanings. Not my style. So I try and write simply. I lost all my confidence on a One-day poetry workshop. The more I learn about writing the less it makes me want to write. So decided in September I would write purely to comfort myself and to make myself happy. And am willing to share what I write. No more pressure than that.

Thank you for reading!

Avant Garde

Oh wow
I did a post
And then my nerves overruled
Not very modest of me
Not bearing much humility
I deleted it
And now I have no real post
And no poetry

😦

Does this happen to anyone else?
Massive case of insecurity?

Avant Garde | Daily Post