Recently I have been challenged to consider my belief systems, and long-held ideas that form part of who I am. I have always ‘played it safe’, not taking unnecessary risks and trying to live responsibly. A.k.a suppressing my inner self. Last week I booked overseas flights that were being advertised on a sale, and have been trying to plan a holiday. In between all of this, I have been struggling with feelings of guilt. Growing up, my family were not wealthy. My mother had to budget responsibly, as did my grandmother. My mother-in-law was the same. So an unnecessary overseas family holiday falls squarely in the ‘frivolous spending’ category. A family member with whom I shared my plans, used that exact term – cautioning that frivolous spending can add stress to a marriage. My husband has been fairly quiet on the matter, not telling me that I am evil and shouldn’t have acted so impulsively, but if we are indeed going then he would like to see Yosemite. Because what’s the point of going and not seeing Yosemite. (One night or two, my darling? Two will be better. Done!) But I still can’t shake the feelings of guilt. My father could use the money. He has health issues. We could save the money. Keep it rather for a rainy day. Yes, so it can water our graves when we are dead and buried and pushing up daisies. A trusted colleague at work was a bit more kind – get over yourself and give yourself a break, you both work for goodness sake. And it’s family memories and time that cannot be redeemed at a later date. It is a different viewpoint from what I have been brought up with. And just as valid. Now for me to accept it!