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Being Secure

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Take It From Me.”

This morning I feel insecure. It is a feeling inside that makes me feel like I am not anchored. Like I am floating in the wind. Floating higher when winds are light and breezy, and sinking lower when the winds begin to change. Leaving me deflated and questioning everything about myself.

I try and teach my daughter to be the leader of her life. Possess confidence, self-esteem, be secure in herself, not be subject to opinions of others, to know her own mind. So far, she is all of these things. I was too scared to speak to people when I was her age. I’m still reserved in person. I love having others around me. But am reserved in my interactions. My daughter is confident and self-assured – everything I am not. I can grow to be those things too.

My Purpose in Life

Vonita 15 Comments

When I was a child, I used to dream of being a mother and having babies. In high school I dreamt of getting high grades, and put as much effort as I could to do as well as I could. But my career ambitions seemed to stop at that point. I wanted a job in which I could earn enough to support myself, and give me something to do. And not be bored out of my mind. (I was granted that wish!). But that was about the extent of my career ambitions. My head was too much in *romance*. I went to a convent and had zero interaction with males. No joke. I never knew any my age. At fifteen I kissed a boy at a school disco. I had only just met him that night. My mother found out (because *somebody* told her), and it was awful being lectured by her. No kissing boys you don’t know. No kissing boys! (Can I go now?). Alas, I never heard from the lucky guy again. Though I dreamt and prayed that he would call. He had memorised my number after all. Oh, the perils of convent life.

When I was all of 24 and single I was asked the question what do I dream about for my career. I could only reply by saying I dream about getting married to a good man, and having children. I do not dream about careers. (Hmm, CLM (career limiting move) much?) It took a couple more years.

And now, I love being around my children. One aspect of my mothering skills is that I do not and have never patronized them. I do not fuss. I always treated my children with respect. The sooner they could do things for themselves and take responsibility, the better. They are both great kids. Loving, respectful, responsible, easy to be around.

Nowadays when I dream about my future, I dream about writing to my heart’s content, doing Pilates at my local gym on weekday mornings, grandkids in some distant future, spending time with my BFF, and just being me. Not the me that struggles with everything everyday. Always feeling manic and out of control.

I would love to travel to a few places. The U.S., see my family in South Africa again, Canadian rocky mountains, Europe etc!

And I still dream about romance.

Inspired by the following post:
The What For

Afar

Vonita 16 Comments

I heard bad news
From afar
Suffering and agony
I want to help
Wish for a magic wand
But there is no wand
Or magic
And the tales
Are too sad
To tell
It breaks my heart

Don’t

Vonita 8 Comments

photo-1434811568926-63e80f489d96

I asked you to stay away
I asked you not to touch
I asked you to never stray
It wasn’t very much

So next time you want
To draw very near
Next time you long
To drift over here

Don’t

Never Been To Me

Vonita 15 Comments

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Mix Tape Masterpiece.”

Hey, you know what paradise is?
It’s a lie, a fantasy we create about people and places as we’d like them to be
But you know what truth is?
It’s that little baby you’re holding, it’s that man you fought with this morning
The same one you’re going to make love with tonight
That’s truth, that’s love

Charlene – I’ve never been to me

Red Heels

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image

The bus was crowded
Standing, pushing, holding on
You were seated, sitting, resting
When I climbed on with the throng
We have been together
You and I
In nights and days
That since have passed
Heels no comfort offered
As I stood and rode along
You smiled and greeted
Remained seated
As I stood standing
Amongst the crowd
Alone

Snapshot Stories

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image

In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Snapshot Stories.”

A few years ago I was invited to a ’50s Glamour party for a friend’s 40th birthday. My friend was a South African living in Sydney for a few years. We had been friends in South Africa a long time ago. The dress I wore was bought in Johannesburg in December 2000. The party was lovely. That particular friend has the most warm, lovely friendly disposition. She now lives in Cape Town.

River of Red

Vonita 4 Comments

Abstract monster

Hand so soft and tender
A mother’s loving touch
In a flash, mere blink of eye
Knife’s sharpened edge
Released the flow of blood
The floodgates burst wide open;
From the hand that nurture spread
In its place replaced
Pure anger
Flowing
Furious
Faster
Rushing
Gushing
Never
Stopping
A river
River
Bleeding
River
Weeping
River
Speeding
Killing
Thrilling
Scaring
Frightening
River
River
River
Of
Death
A river
River
Of
Red
.

Toy Story

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In response to The Daily Post’s writing prompt: “Toy Story.”

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My favorite toy was a doll my maternal grandmother sent to me from Cape Town. It arrived in a box complete with knitted clothes and bonnet. In Afrikaans they have a lovely word for bonnet – “koppie kappie”. Which directly translated reads a small head covering. It is one of a few items I have kept from my childhood. She is now under my daughter’s protective care.

There is a little musical box embedded into her at the back. A tiny record fitted into it and would play some music. One day the neighborhood boys grabbed my doll and ripped the record out. I remember two of their names. Ryan and Brendan. You have been shamed! I must have been five or younger, as we were living in a house and after that we moved to an apartment. I was five when I broke my collarbone and that happened when I was in the apartment.