More Lies

There is no one to help me

There is no one to save

There is no one to turn to

When I feel myself crave

Temptations flow freely

They never give in

Seduce and entice me

To taste of the sin

Of flesh and sweet fantasy

The taunt of our lives

I will try and erase

All your cheap spoken lies.

 

 

 

 

 

Powerless

Powerless to do what is right

Powerless to get strength from the light

Powerless to smile through my pain

Powerless to escape the cold rain

Powerless to stop my heart bleed

Powerless I fall to my knees

There is power in weakness

I have to believe.

One Step Only

I absolutely cannot be

In two places

Simultaneously

I wish I was there

I find myself here

Where I should be

So I lift my chin

I stand up straight

And I take my very next

Step.

My Heart is in Parts

I closed a door and opened a new one to

Magical unexplored worlds of bravery

Courage

Fortitude

My sick body holds my heart

Shattered into infinite pieces

I wish to be everywhere but find

I am nowhere

My heart that was tender and soft

Is in parts.

Diving Deep

I will

Dive

Down

Deep

Past

All my fears

My insecurities

My failures

I will

Swim

Through all my

Layers

Until I reach

That tiny

Hidden place

Of

Love

And acceptance

And peace

I will breathe it all in

And bring it to the

Surface

To shine.

Betrayal

I entered the room and saw him sitting on my bed. His face stony and humorless. Before I could wonder, my eyes dropped to the book in his hands. My book. My journal. Expressing my most intimate thoughts and feelings and desires. Recorded by my own hand. By myself and only for myself. You’ve betrayed me, he accused me glaringly. I can’t believe what you have written.

I apologized for the evil in me. I cried and pleaded and wished it away.

Only now do I realize:

He betrayed me.

A Coldness

I accelerated as fast as I could. I needed to get to him before it was too late. The thick heavy gates could be closed and there would be no way in. I sat at the wheel and urged myself to go faster. Faster! After a lifetime had passed, I pulled up at the entrance. He was there! I ran to him and pleaded. I’m so sorry for anything I may have done. Please forgive me. Please love me. All shreds of dignity vanished along with the day as I presented myself to him. With a coldness that pained me more than any scolding could ever do, he told me to leave and never return. It’s over.

Over.

A Written Wrath

I was only a child, really, with a right to be protected. Cherished even. Before I could blink, my head whipped back as my neck rotated. My young skin etched with a searing pain. I was pushed into complicity and wished my life away. Not yet double digits of age and already the wrath of man written on me. A fear of man’s temper and what it can do.

Left to Die

‘Don’t make me beg’, I pleaded as I began a descent of neediness that had no way out and only a descent of anguish and despair.

‘Lift me please’, I begged in my helplessness and hopelessness.

There was no compassion.

I was left to die.

An Emptiness

I try to cling on to a hazy puff of smoke; but as I watch the trail breeze into the wind and away from me, I know that I am getting what I deserve, an infinity of emptiness, and it is everything I deserve.