Otto Warmbier

The first car I owned was a metallic green basic no frills car, but it was my first car and I was fond of it and it was mine. Until it was stolen. A few weeks later it was recovered and I was summonsed to identify it.

I was unprepared for the shock. It was not my car. Until I looked closer. There were a few marks I recognized. It had been my car. And now it was completely stripped and unrecognizable.

I felt something similar whenever I see images of Otto Warmbier from the last time he was seen in 2016. He was strong and healthy looking, a fine young man, physically full of strength and vitality. I wondered how he would appear when he resurfaced after serving his fifteen year sentence of hard labour. For attempting to steal a banner.

I cannot imagine how his parents must feel today. The pain and shock and anguish. The torment of seeing their comatose son a year and a half of being in the hands of the brutal regime that is North Korea.

They have their son back. But they might never have him back.

And their agony might endure forever.

Feeling Secure

One of the nicest things a man can do for a woman is to help her feel secure. To make her feel that he is there for her. I speak for myself on this, but I have learnt that when I am feeling insecure it prompts a whole rash of odd, eccentric, psycho behavior. Attention-seeking behavior. Random texts that make no sense. Random words that make even less. Mood swings and aggression. Clinginess and tears. Poetry and prose and writing and a never-ending well of words.

When I am feeling secure I am a whole different person. Confident and out-going. Centered and in control. In my own power.

My success-relationships in the past had this in common. I felt secure. I felt wanted. I felt desired. I felt attractive. And I felt the other person was ‘into me’. That they were going to put in effort to pursue. That all I had to do was allow them to do just that. And none of them involved ‘flirting’. There was attraction, but it was on a deeper level than the superficial game of flirting. It involved speaking to me. Getting to know me. And addressing me by name. Like I’m a real person and not a random female sex object. Thats always a start!

Under My Skin

Thrills pulsate down my spine

As you stand so close

A new flesh

A new scent

A new touch

Excitement courses through my veins

As the anticipation climbs

Will your kiss be rough?

Will it be tender

Will it be hungry

Will it devour?

You’re under my skin.

https://dailypost.wordpress.com/prompts/tender/

 

No Other Hand

andrew-welch-229150.jpg

Never before and never after
You are the only one for me

Never will I fall and
Never will I falter

You are the only one I need
So never will there be

Nor never will I feel
Another hand for me

My Puppies

My puppies are so sweet 

I love their trusting eyes 

I love their loving hearts

I love their tender faces

I love my little puppies 🐶🐶

Sexism

This is not a topic that I usually have much to say about. Perhaps because I have always worked in a male-dominated environment, and have only felt disadvantaged through my own lack of confidence. But the past few days I have experienced sexism first-hand from a technology company that has left me completely gob-smacked.

I booked for a training course in December, and bought the voucher through the ticketing company that was selling them. I received my voucher, and the Friday before the training commenced I was contacted and informed the training had been cancelled. I was upsold a mentorship program in which I had to pay in extra to cover, this being a superior alternative to the training course. I was not offered a refund, so I hesitantly agreed to the mentorship program but only for the new year, and I did not pay in the extra. As at the end of May I have not had the time or capacity to complete an after hours mentorship program. So I approached the sales person a week ago, and explained the situation of which he is well aware, and requested a refund for the original training course which was cancelled. And told him I cannot commit after all to the mentorship program. Sorry. He referred me to his upline. His upline conjured up a ‘no refund’ policy, and offered a credit note. I checked their training courses. There is one course this week for quarter of the price that I paid in December. And not much else I can use the credit note for.

Not happy. He referred me to his upline, could be the owner of the company? Whatever. I received an emailed with an apology for the ‘heartache’ that this has caused me and offered to speak to my manager. FFS!!! Heartache? Manager? Honestly, would he say that to a man. Would he apologize to another man for causing him heartache?

I managed to get him on the line today. I introduced myself, we emailed on Friday. Oh yes, Veronica I remember. Veronica? My name is so not Veronica, I have just introduced myself at vonita, and you actually emailed my email address on Friday? This dweeb actually compliments me on my name, it is so lovely and where is it from? My parents, and what does that have to do with the price of eggs? Question, would he be complimenting a man on his name?

Still no refund. We are past the point of refunds he told me. Since when? Since I agreed to a mentorship program even though I have not paid for it, and that is not what I originally bought a ticket for. And the course was cancelled by their company. It wasn’t cancelled, he tells me, it was postponed. Bullshit.

A thought popped into my head. This man is so fucking sexist I am guessing there is not one female engineer in his company.

And what do you know. On their website they have a full page of developers and their bios, and not one female. Completely one hundred percent you-guessed-it male. Until the admin section at the bottom. Yup. Ladies for the admin.

F*ckers. And they owe me.

 

Flame

Space in my heart –

Infinite expansion 

Force of life flows

From dust to dust 

A spirited candle

Keeps burning