For the past year, I have been on a very light medication for depression. I started as an experiment to see whether changes – if any – would occur.
For years I had been subject to the condition of my mind. It seemed to have complete power over me – I was on a down hill roller coaster that never went up.
Sure I would have better days and could still enjoy a sense of humor at times, but on the whole, I would often be obsessing over life in general and writing poetry, a lot of poetry.
In the past year, my life has had a complete makeover. I am studying graphic design, a course which I would never have considered doing previously, and to my amazement I really love it.
I joined Toastmasters and spoke in front of a room-filled audience.
And. After never believing I would ever find another job, or thinking I was even worthy of same, I am in a new job. That I found on my own, in a completely new industry, with a clean fresh slate.
Today I find myself in Japan. A couple of days into my trip, I decided to stop my medication. Because who needs it when on holiday? And before I knew it, my mind starting obsessing. I know the feeling well. Being pulled back inside my mind to where there is darkness, anxiety and fear. To a place where there is no light at all, and happiness is an elusion. Within a couple more days my poetry came back. This was a sure sign for me. Poetry is my outlet from mental chains.
I am so glad to know this condition is not cast in stone. I don’t need to live there anymore. I can be totally present and enjoy and appreciate each moment.
If it takes medication in order to do this, I am so thankful that there is indeed help on hand.