Punishment of a Narc

Many, many of my posts are related to my dealings with a narcissist friend. A friend I have not been  able to rid myself of for a long time. It is the same person who encouraged me to start a blog. It was one of our initial conversations. 

The thing with narcs, they are so utterly and completely charming so as to be irresistible. This particular narc is hold in great esteem. I cannot mention his name in public without being knocked over by how wonderful he is. How helpful and good at what he does and blah blah blah. It is almost believable. The thing is. He is helpful. At times. He is good at what he does. But these things are all to make himself look and appear better. He has helped sick children. And gloated in the adoration and praise that accompanied it. He has cried crocodile tears in front of a packed room so he could appear empathetic. But I saw later. The sigh when another sick child request was emailed through. The ‘do we have to do this again’ sigh. Because he had already done the good deed and received the adoration for it. Now it was just a big effort. Not much fun for ‘behind-the-scenes no-one will notice’ work. It had already been milked for what it was worth.

I refused to believe my friend was and is a narc. I do not like labeling people as such. Until one day the penny dropped. The complete lack of empathy. The mask. He has admitted to wearing a facade. It is all a mask, he has told me. It is the mask. The real me is not like that. And I was beaten when I was three.

The lies. I have witnessed the lies. Blatant, sweet, so believable, horrid, twisted lies. And heaven help anyone who would not believe his lies. It is hard to cut through the charm offensive when it happens. And also, I have come to believe, those affected would want to believe the lies. Because in not doing so would expose his actions for what they are. Disrespectful and horrible. And the lies always seem somehow plausible. Even sending unbuttoned shirts of his ‘family friends’ by mistake. I was meant to believe that it was her profile pic and he was saving the planet by letting her know. Because the school mums would not approve. And she is blind as a bat and had just received new glasses and was showing them off. Look glasses. Blind. New glasses. Profile pic. She didn’t realize her profile pic was of her semi-naked with her bra showing. That is why her photo is on his phone. That is why he had to call her. And shame on me that I took something so innocent and twisted it into something inappropriate. Shame on me. NOT GOOD. Yeah, I’m not your wife, I don’t have to care.

At the end of last year I confronted him. I don’t understand how you can treat others, and myself, the way you do. I (and others) are deserving of more respect. He initially  started to shift blame. I stopped him. You are also to blame. That is like making someone pregnant, and then denying it was you. We chatted. It was fine.

But it’s a new year. And obviously I offended. So now comes the punishment. I have been ostracized. Cut off. Dismissed. Not worthy of even an ‘how are you’. Nope. Nothing. The punishment of a narc. Many years of ‘friendship’ but I do not exist. Until he wants something again. Then I will hear from him. Once he has decided I have been punished enough. Oh, he needs a code trainer, am I still available? He would still like to use me, my brain, mentally. This, dear reader, actually rolled off his tongue.  

And once again. His name last week come up in conversation. And everyone agreed how wonderful he is. So helpful. Awesome. Amazing soul. Such a great guy. Truly.


40 thoughts on “Punishment of a Narc

  1. You’re right, Vonita–classic narcissist behavior. If you spotted it, so will others, given enough time. They’re very good a picking their victims, but you are no longer available. He’ll have to find someone else.And he will.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. “Narcs” have this mental condition that the world revolves around them… It is rather difficult to change a “Narc”… a “Narc” loves attention and will do everything to keep it!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Vonita, are you seriously calling this a friendship? It is not up to me to tell you what to do but I would really suggest to send love, cut the chord, and move on! You are only used!
    Regarding this whole lying: I noticed that there are certain people who think they need to tell others what they want to hear although they know in the moment they say it that they will never stick to what they say. They believe that has to be that way and that the counterpart understands that, of course!!!

    Liked by 2 people

    • Is Women Who Love too Much a movie? Sounds interesting. This specific friendship is over. I said things in december I cannot take back, anyway, I felt last week to apologise so I did, we are superficially cool, but yes, the friendship is now over. Hopefully with each day it will get easier. x

      Liked by 1 person

      • It was a book useful in the eighties but may ring or sound “old.” I may have mentioned this man was from quite some time ago. It would be how we (some of us) as women accept more and worry more, allowing men to have control over us. I was one who benefited from the words since my friends couldn’t get through to me. It helped me but you may already have made progress from the December post till now. It took me years, Vonita. Sadly. . .

        Liked by 1 person

      • Not much progress Robin, I am working on it, I just don’t seem to have any magic happy keys to press, just stuck in the same space, but am fighting to get out of it. I have slightly more peace since my apology last week, maybe that was required to shift the energy. In fact, I think I might write a quick post on that, Shifting Energy!


  4. I had an ex who married me. He looked like Pierce Brosnan and the highs were so great that I tolerated the lows. My parents begged me to get away. I packed up and put my stuff in storage and lived with them. This man would pull my strings, trying to call and writing me long love letters. My parents kept the letters and hung up on him. (I blocked him on my own phone. This angers and upsets some “narcs” and he tried all kinds of ways to get my attention!)
    By moving literally to a town where he didn’t know where I lived, was my “saving grace.” I became normal, even keel, happy and life is much better. Try not hanging with anyone in your personal life that “admires” him. I wish you didn’t work where he runs into you. I met with him a few years ago. We had literally been apart 20+ years. His charisma and charm seemed sleazy and lame! Phew! Dinner with my youngest daughter meant she tired quickly of him, asked to take her food “to go!” We both agreed his PhD, book that he autographed, etc meant Nothing to us!

    Liked by 1 person

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