Many, many of my posts are related to my dealings with a narcissist friend. A friend I have not been able to rid myself of for a long time. It is the same person who encouraged me to start a blog. It was one of our initial conversations.
The thing with narcs, they are so utterly and completely charming so as to be irresistible. This particular narc is hold in great esteem. I cannot mention his name in public without being knocked over by how wonderful he is. How helpful and good at what he does and blah blah blah. It is almost believable. The thing is. He is helpful. At times. He is good at what he does. But these things are all to make himself look and appear better. He has helped sick children. And gloated in the adoration and praise that accompanied it. He has cried crocodile tears in front of a packed room so he could appear empathetic. But I saw later. The sigh when another sick child request was emailed through. The ‘do we have to do this again’ sigh. Because he had already done the good deed and received the adoration for it. Now it was just a big effort. Not much fun for ‘behind-the-scenes no-one will notice’ work. It had already been milked for what it was worth.
I refused to believe my friend was and is a narc. I do not like labeling people as such. Until one day the penny dropped. The complete lack of empathy. The mask. He has admitted to wearing a facade. It is all a mask, he has told me. It is the mask. The real me is not like that. And I was beaten when I was three.
The lies. I have witnessed the lies. Blatant, sweet, so believable, horrid, twisted lies. And heaven help anyone who would not believe his lies. It is hard to cut through the charm offensive when it happens. And also, I have come to believe, those affected would want to believe the lies. Because in not doing so would expose his actions for what they are. Disrespectful and horrible. And the lies always seem somehow plausible. Even sending unbuttoned shirts of his ‘family friends’ by mistake. I was meant to believe that it was her profile pic and he was saving the planet by letting her know. Because the school mums would not approve. And she is blind as a bat and had just received new glasses and was showing them off. Look glasses. Blind. New glasses. Profile pic. She didn’t realize her profile pic was of her semi-naked with her bra showing. That is why her photo is on his phone. That is why he had to call her. And shame on me that I took something so innocent and twisted it into something inappropriate. Shame on me. NOT GOOD. Yeah, I’m not your wife, I don’t have to care.
At the end of last year I confronted him. I don’t understand how you can treat others, and myself, the way you do. I (and others) are deserving of more respect. He initially started to shift blame. I stopped him. You are also to blame. That is like making someone pregnant, and then denying it was you. We chatted. It was fine.
But it’s a new year. And obviously I offended. So now comes the punishment. I have been ostracized. Cut off. Dismissed. Not worthy of even an ‘how are you’. Nope. Nothing. The punishment of a narc. Many years of ‘friendship’ but I do not exist. Until he wants something again. Then I will hear from him. Once he has decided I have been punished enough. Oh, he needs a code trainer, am I still available? He would still like to use me, my brain, mentally. This, dear reader, actually rolled off his tongue.
And once again. His name last week come up in conversation. And everyone agreed how wonderful he is. So helpful. Awesome. Amazing soul. Such a great guy. Truly.